I was hoping I would get the chance to speak but was too scared to ask, so when Pastor Ben asked me to I jumped on the opportunity! I have a few blog posts I haven't shared publicly with ideas God has been stirring in my heart, so I decided I would look for a topic there. The first idea that came to mind was the importance of rest. I see so many here at the church working hard to keep ministries running, but in the process they are forgetting to care for themselves. I've caught myself doing that and even thinking of rest as "laziness." When God definitely intended for us to rest. So I started preparing that sermon and about half way through, I believe God told me to write on discipline. And to be honest, I really didn't want to. I've only been apart of this church for two months and as an 18 year old outsider, who am I to tell this congregation (the majority of which are older than me) that they need discipline? But in a way agreeing to speak on this topic was a way, I got to "lay my life down" because it wasn't what I wanted, but I trusted there was a reason God wanted me to deliver that message.
I wish I could say discipline was something I had mastered before I spoke...but that isn't the case. Nowhere near perfect in this area. I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite, writing about accepting the Lord disciplines when I knew in my own life I was struggling with that. But Shelly, who has been my go to for practically everything, gave me really great advice. She said if the sermon changed even one persons heart, even if it was my own, then it was worth it. So from the perspective, the sermon was a success. While writing my notes, it turned into me writing the message I needed. I saw my weaknesses more than ever in this time, but also the reality God's strength in those moments.
I told someone I was sharing on discipline and their response was, "well what about new believers? Won't that scare them away?" And at first I agreed, but after some thought and prayer I realized if anything we should be learning from new believers because they understand their need for Jesus to be head of their life and lead their paths, which is a truth we often forget with time. Also, the bible tells us God disciplines everyone he calls his child, so I believe it applies to all. This realization also gave me confidence that even in my position, I had authority to teach on this because 1) I am receiving the same discipline others are and 2) we are all under the guidance of one spirit, the Holy Spirit, and so I can teach even people who are older than me because it's not me, it's him and his word, I'm just delivering it.
I wrote my first draft and sent it to Ben. This was the scariest part for me because he's been doing this a long time and all I could think was that he would look at it and be like "what is this nonsense?! No way she's speaking!" But he was so gracious. He corrected my mistakes and helped me refocus because as you can tell from my blog posts or any conversation with me, I jump all over the place! I don't take lightly the honor it is to have a pastor I admire so much take the time to steer me the right way and invest in me. It's a big deal for him to let a little girl like me teach the people he spends his life pouring into. He had faith in me. He even left during the second service and I have to admit I panicked a little knowing he wasn't in the building, but again it gave me confidence to know he believed in me.
My worst fear was that someone would be upset that I was speaking because it wasn't my place, I didn't earn the chance to speak, I hadn't done my time or proven anything in the time I've been here. That fear unfortunately came true when I heard someone say they were angry i would take the stage when they haven't been allowed to. This shook my confidence a bit, and happened Saturday. Needless to say that night I didn't get much sleep. I woke up Sunday morning totally spent and all I could manage to say as I got out of bed was "Lord, I got nothing. I don't feel prepared, I don't know what I'm doing but I am going to show up and I'll trust you will do the same." And he did. I taught in 3 different services and in every single one something different came out of my mouth that was not on my script, and sounded way better than me. I trust that through my shaky words, short breaths, and "ums" God delivered something.
Between each service I was overwhelmed with so much encouragement and helpful tips that really kept me going. Shelly even made special arrangements so she would be able to come to the first service so I could look at a familiar face for comfort. Am I surrounded by the best people or what? I had people asking for my notes and my PowerPoint (probably because I talked too fast to get what I was saying haha) but nonetheless I was flattered. I can see where a pastor could lose God in this process though. There's a lot of worries about sounding good, looking good, and pleasing people instead of delivering the message from God.
The next day I got a message from someone on Facebook seeming concerned that I was allowed to teach, given that I am a female in the church. I hadn't really made my mind up on how o feel about women teaching until he confronted me with this concern. Let me preface this with the fact that your opinion on this is not a matter of salvation: how you feel about this doesn't determine if you are in Christ or not, so it shouldn't be dividing us as believers. You read verses like 1 Timothy 2:12 which says "I do not permit women to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet." I want to face this argument and not run from it. These are my thoughts, not from God but where I stand on it. There are arguments that there aren't that many verses about it so it's not a big deal. Well, every verse matters. We can't pick and choose what we like. If we believe the bible transcends time, then the argument that the fact women were even allowed to learn with men was huge for that time period also falls on its face. So, what is it? Well all I can speak from is my experience. As head pastor, Ben has authority over all the other speakers. He asked me to speak and because of that I don't see anything wrong with it. If you disagree that is ok. Below I will post the video of my sermon for anyone interested in watching it, and my prayer is that the truth would be heard no matter who is giving the message.
Anyways, this was such a wonderful learning experience! God did a big work in my heart through this, and I'm so thankful for how it's forming me. I'm trying to see where my gifts are and it's exciting I had the chance to try out teaching! With some public speaking training and a chill pill, I could get really good at this! Amadeo has encouraged me to be the best me God created. And they do the same for all of their members. I saw how ministry is tough, the joy in it, and the necessity of the Holy Spirit in it all.
I like to end these posts with a verse and the best one I could find to capture all that I experienced I s 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
Video of Sermon:
I don't know how to put up my PowerPoint or notes but I will post them somewhere!
Great post - what an experience!
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