Expectations

My expectations will be the death of me I'm pretty sure. In the midst of trying to enjoy my last week I'm caught up in the expectations of ending this week perfect, of being perfect, and going home better than when I left. But Shannon, I have to remind myself, you're not perfect and no one expects you to be (which was a lesson I learned at the beginning of this experience).

I'm in an exciting time in my life, lots of good changes and experiences and opportunities are at my feet and I'm so incredibly thankful. And I try to be happy all of the time, but the reality is change is scary...it's hard. It is all really great things but it's a lot of transition for anyone to go through...living in Arizona, going home to family and friends I haven't seen in 4 months, and starting college in North Carolina just three weeks later...it's a lot. And I'm nervous. As I should be. But God is good and gives me so much peace. As scary as my next steps look, I haven't really experienced God's peace and faithfulness as much as I have in this time. I get to relax, and watch this life I so don't deserve just unfold before me, and I get to be apart of it. I get to be scared, knowing who my Comforter is. I get to have nerves, knowing His peace transcends all understanding. I get to feel a million ambivalent feelings and not be shaken because I have a Rock stronger and more secure than my feelings. 

What I can expect, is to walk through this transition period with Jesus by my side, and letting me know it is ok and He is guiding me. I can expect to feel overwhelmed with my feelings and then with His unending love. I can expect to change as a person, and grow as a follower of Christ in a time that takes a lot of faith. And I can expect his promises to be true when I don't feel like they are. 

So if I could ask for prayer in this transition time, I am need of keeping my eyes on Jesus when there are a lot of distractions surrounding me, to renew my mind in His truth instead of setting my own, and to choose joy and love instead of fear. Thanks!!

"The End Times" (lol)

1 week...

I saw the end coming, but it's hitting me how quickly it's happening. I'm having a hard time putting into words all I'm feeling...but I'll try!

This last week feels a lot like the first, I want to cherish every moment. I want to be so present working at the coffee shop, serving at restore, having what may be the last conversations with people I love so much.

But this week also feels a lot different. I'm leaving a newfound home, not coming to a new place. And as cliche as it sounds, I'm not who I was when I came. I've grown in my relationship with Christ, as a young woman, and as a servant of the Lord in ways I didn't know were possible just 4 months ago. 

I grasp love in a community setting I've never known before...which makes it hard to leave. But I know God has allowed me to experience the incredible love of Amadeo, so I can share it wherever I go. As comfortable as I could be staying here and receiving wisdom and love in mass quantities, it's time to pass it on in another setting where that love is needed. I've been listening to this song, "you have called me higher, you have called me deeper and I'll go where you will lead me, Lord" and it's that simple. God is calling me to a new place, where he wants his kingdom to come. As excited as I am for the next step on this incredible journey with Him, I am sad I have to leave.

God's work in me while I've been here is inexpressible. This experience has helped formed who I am, at such a critical point in my life, in beautiful ways. I'm so thankful this was in God's plan for me. I've been told I touched lives here, but I know I've been touched by everyone in this community in one way or another. I'm positive I've received more than I've given, and that is an unexpected gift from the Lord's sweet grace.

Another question I've been asked is what was my favorite part. Well, there's no part that wasn't my favorite, but I would have to say the things that weren't planned. The relationships I formed, the opportunity to share the gospel with people who haven't heard it, seeking Jesus desperately for strength when I've come to the end of myself, and learning about myself and what true Love is. Needless to say, I would do this all over again without a doubt. 

Thank you Amadeo for your love, and I hope I get to spend a great deal of time with the majority of you this week!!

Let There Be Light(s)

God commanded in the beginning let there be light... And after Jesus died for us, and we could have Him in us, God allowed there to be light(s) in every one of us. So pretty much God's awesome and wants to use us, and I wanna be used by him, don't you? It's not just used for big mission trips and going to the ends of the earth...it's little acts of love that are light, and have a ripple effect beyond what we can see.

I so badly just want to be a light where it's never been brought before.... Thank you Amadeo for reminding me of what my purpose is. In all I do, whether it be making coffee for people I've never met and starting their day of with a conversation that will hopefully leave a positive impression on them. Or when I go to college and make friends who are coming from terrible situations and need a shoulder to cry on, I am fortunate to have two shoulders to offer! Or with my future career. That's why I want to go into social work. The places where people have turned a blind eye are the places where I want to highlight brokenness, because that's where we can find a hope that isn't from us. I want the forgotten to know they are not forsaken, I want the empty to know wholeness is possible. 

Shelly gave me wise advice to take every day like a new adventure, and I want to do just that. Whether my light is flickering or growing strong, it will be used each day to bring warmth where it is cold, bring a smile to tear stained faces, bring Good News that didn't make the newspaper but is changing the world every day. 

I don't know what each day holds, and I don't want to. What's the fun in that?? I just know that my light isn't meant to be hidden, and neither is yours. You can have a candle and matches, but someone's gotta light the flame and use it. All I know from my long 18 years of life is that not using your light is never a fulfilling life. In Philemon we're told to "be active in sharing your faith so that you know every good thing you have in Jesus Christ." I'm pretty sure I only know the surface of all the good things I have in being a child of God, and I wanna know more of his power in me...don't you? Like that's the coolest opportunity we could be given. 

And I don't know about you, but when I see someone else's light, it's pretty obvious. I see people at Amadeo being a light all the time...I want to point out Doni Nickerson in particular. I've had the pleasure of working with her at restore every Tuesday and those are my long days. I come to the food pantry tired and worn...and then Doni comes in and lights up the whole room with her warm smile and contagious laugh. She could be in terrible pain and still infecting us with her light in hugs and words of encouragement. That is light, and love. 

Make a conscious effort to be a light, because man that has the power to change not only your life but the people around you. 

Please comment with how you are using your light, I'd love to hear testimonies of how God is shining in and through you!

Revelation 21:23 And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.

"Good" Service

I've been thinking a lot about service and if motive in serving matters. I think many Christians, including myself, do good in the wrong way.

There are a lot of non profits who do a lot of good for people, but not in the name of Jesus.

There are people who know the gospel backwards and forwards, but don't know Jesus. 

There are theologians and skeptics who know the bible and hunger to read it more than many believers do, but aren't saved by grace.

So what makes people who claim to be in Jesus different from people who have the same knowledge and serve others? 

The heart.

It's that simple and that's why so many miss it. 

I know Christians like myself who pride themselves on how well they serve or how eloquently they can share the gospel, but scripture suggests a different approach to walking in the spirit.

Take David, for example. I had a hard time understanding why he was "a man after God's own heart" when he wasn't following the Law perfectly, he murdered people, had an affair...made all sorts of mistakes in action and thought. He wasn't doing good things. But he knew who had authority and although he was king, he understood who he reported to. He came to terms with his own weakness, his faults and poor judgments and was quick to confess them to the Lord. Even when he was in the depths of his sins, he knew God would hear his cry, and that God could love him. He didn't need to prove himself to God or others because he understood who God was, and is. He was after God's heart with his own. Not seeking God's approval, but his mercy and grace.

Paul says in the New Testament,

"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." -1 Corinthians 2:1-5

Like David, Paul understood his weakness and his need, as well as others need for God's power. Knowing Jesus is never fulfilling on wisdom alone. It's through love; understanding God's absolute, unshakeable love for you, and choosing to love him from the heart. Serving people in the name of Jesus, as churches do, should come after vulnerability before God and coming to terms with your weakness, and God's love and grace in that. Too often service and reading the bible and all the things we're supposed to do come before the heart, or dare I say in place of the heart, and we miss the fullness of a relationship with Jesus. 

Some of the most faithful followers of Jesus I know don't have the ability to serve God with their hands, or read his word through blind eyes... So does God not love them? No! I believe Jesus would say they are more blessed than the fully able, and greater in the kingdom. 

So are you serving with your hands or your heart? Are you learning with your mind or your heart? 

Thank you Lord for showing me the difference and I pray for grace and mercy as I, along with other believers, learn to serve you from understanding your abilities instead of proving our own.

Leaving

The bible says to be in debt in love...I have a huge debt I can never pay off to Amadeo.

I still can't wrap my mind around how I got the privilege of taking off a semester of school to bombard the Amadeo community and live in the love that they never run out of. My prayer for all churches is to grasp this kind of Kingdom love in their own communities. I'll never forget experiencing it the way I have. 

I'm in debt to so many but here are a few

Katelyn, for always driving and giving up her Monday to spend time with me. Your friendship made  my time here so rich.

Cheryl and Gary, my wonderful host parents who also drove me whenever needed, cooked delicious meals, taught me how to cook, prayed for me and helped me understand the reality and depth of an intimate relationship with God

Ben and Mandy, who were constant encouragements, reminding me my labor was not in vain, listening and guiding me toward right choices... For seeing through my "I'm good!" Facade and letting me be real and break down

Shelly who drove me every day to the coffee shop, knew how to make me cry (in a good way) in a second, who laughed with me, became one of my greatest role models, friend, and support. 

Geneva and Louise, with a laugh so contagious it was hard to frown around them

Lindsey and Lesilee Ozmon for being the best older sisters and letting me invade their home. I learned so much from these girls and am forever grateful for their patience when I came home tired and they listened to me think aloud and tell stupid stories and eat their food...

Sherri, for also giving me rides and being such a great example of a godly woman who discerns truth, constantly finds ways to love those who need it most, and is so present in every conversation although we all know she holds a lot on her plate...

Doni, Debby, and Michael who always encouraged me and believed in me. Seeing their love for Jesus in all circumstances left me in tears

The prayer warriors who spent hours praying over me, helped me find healing I didn't know was possible, and showed me a new way to seek God

This is just to name a few. You all touched me in special ways that I'll never forget. Thank you for hosting me, letting me rediscover who I am in Christ and refresh my broken spirit. I'm sure I'll find a way back to you guys somehow, but until then know I am incredible grateful for the love you have for each other, which is a true testimony of God's love. Thank you Amadeo, for fighting the good fight and changing people's lives by showing them Jesus in all you do.

Be Thankful Always!

This week (and every week) I have so much to be thankful for. This week, being thanksgiving and all, sticks out to me in particular. I'll start from the beginning.

Last Monday I had the privilege of going 4-wheeling in the desert with Katelyn and Eddie. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time. Being the young and reckless teenager I am, I got a little carried away and was going too fast on an unfamiliar road. I ended up approaching a rocky path that intimidated me. I pulled the breaks and I went flying! But there were so many miracles in that experience. For one, the 4 wheeler I was driving had ropes and a box cutter and heavy things in the front of it that kept falling out earlier in my ride. So prior to the fall i took all of those out, which would have fallen on me. I also only hit my ankle on a rock rather than my head or any other place that would have been a major injury. Yet another blessing was having 3 people and 2 4 wheelers so I was able to ride on the back and we didn't have to abandon an ATV. Not only that, but Katelyn and Eddie took such good care of me...thankful for these friends!! The timing also couldn't have been better, because I didn't have to work at the coffee shop and I was going to see my dad who could help me take care of it. I'm still a little sore, but I'm walking great and still look back on that day as one of my favorites from my time in Arizona. 

Tuesday for reasons I cannot explain, I rode a public bus from Phoenix to LA, a 7 hour bus ride that probably wasn't the safest option. Nevertheless it was a great ride and I met the sweetest lady. We talked most of the way. God definitely had his hand in that because both of us were nervous and prayed for good company. I arrived in Long Beach Tuesday night to be greeted by my dad I miss dearly and haven't seen since August. That alone was a blessing, but his hug was followed by embraces from my grandparents who are in their early 90s, and my uncle. I had a great thanksgiving with them and ate way more than necessary! I woke up to a beautiful sunrise every day on my trip, which I praise God for making. 

My favorite part of my visit was being able to record my grandparents life story, including a 70 year marriage, to save forever in an archive through StoryCorps. Hearing their accomplishments, their undying love, and their incredible strength brought me to tears. I've never felt so proud of where I've come from. It was such a privilege to be the one to record their legacy. I cannot wait for the future generations to hear their story.

I also stayed at my aunts house Saturday and she willingly drove me to the bus stop this morning. I'm so thankful for family, that even when the visits are short and infrequent, they are still filled with so much love and good times. 

Now I'm heading back to Arizona, where I've been referring to as home, for the final two weeks of these incredibly short 4 months. Posts to come on my thankfulness for Arizona and my new found family there!

God gives everyone things to be thankful for. Do you acknowledge them? He's put on my heart to see Him in even the littlest of circumstances. His blessings are always awesome, but for some reason they feel better and mean more when you acknowledge him for it. Thank Him.

"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!" - Psalm 95:2

Love is in the air!

I don't want this post to be boastful or conceited or anything, but recently I really came to terms with the fact I love myself!

In fact, we (I) shouldn't be scared to claim that we love ourselves, because that's really what God intended. 

The fruit of loving oneself is a healthier lifestyle, understanding you are loved by God, being able to love your neighbor (as yourself). I don't really think you can learn to love another human being if you don't in fact love yourself. And I've known for a while God loves me, people care about me, and that I matter. But to truly love yourself you allow yourself to experience grace, to encourage yourself toward growth, and if you are caring for yourself you can care for others. A sick soul cannot make another well. The remedy for sickness is love! I love in the psalms when David is like "why are you downcast, o my soul?" He's encouraging himself! 

I've noticed loving myself lets me live in the moment, and I don't really think you can experience His presence except in the present. Because we aren't to worry about tomorrow, and he's freed us from past shame so focus on him is in the moment, because he gives you just the right amount of grace for each moment, you don't get tomorrow's grace until tomorrow. When you are secure in yourself, you are then comfortable to exist in the moment.

Tell yourself you love yourself! Care for yourself, it is not selfish, it is essential to do the work God has placed before you. If we want to be on the same team as God (thank you Lord for making that possible) you have to come into agreement with him on who you are in him. I think saying "I love myself" is telling God I accept how you've made me and protects you from the enemy trying to beat you down. 

So pray that: people love themselves, and make time to refresh their own souls. Encourage each other toward love for others but within as well. Let's scream "I love myself!" Because any thoughts that oppose that are not what God intended. Healthy people see their worth and don't seek it in anyone else. Healthy people who know their worth let others know of their worth too. We should know that God works in and then out. He works within the church and they (hopefully) outpour into their city. God works in you and you can outpour into others.

"Whoever has sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good." - Proverbs 19:8

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body." - Ephesians 5:29-30

Seeing Jesus

Since I've become a believer, I've had some serious times of doubt in my faith.. But it caught me off guard that I have recently while being in Arizona. In my mind I thought, "if I'm surrounded by a church and godly influences all the time, I shouldn't doubt." But then I remember that my relationship with Jesus is about me and Him, not the church. It's personal, and is based on my experiences not just what the church teaches. 

My doubts have all come back to is it worth it to wait for who knows how long to maybe see Jesus, if he'll even be there? 

But then, by the grace of God, it dawned on me, I don't have to wait until I die to see Jesus...I see him every day. Before some of you jump to say I'm hallucinating or seeing things to fit my beliefs rather than reality, let me explain. I see him in more that the breathtaking colors of the sunrise or the laughter and innocence of kids, although he is there, he's in even more beautiful things.

Recently I was in a women's bible study, with ladies ages 15 to 97... In the group a blind lady holding a Braille Bible, with more faith and love than anyone I've met, a 97 year old with a nerve condition, a new mother, a shy girl who didn't pray out loud, and a woman coming in from work still in her scrubs...that is where I see God. Women who have millions of excuses as why God isn't worth it, why following him isn't convenient, and they're sitting together in the room full of thankfulness and eagerness to praise Jesus and learn to be like him. 

It's worth the struggles that he promises, the days of doubt, the vulnerability and the awkwardness of feeling unable to contribute in worldly settings because to see God move so powerfully in even one person, beyond explanation or reason or logic, is chilling. 

Seeing prayers get answered, people healed, homes sold, overcoming addictions, marriages restored... The list goes on of the work of his hand. I'm stunned every day that the God I believe in is actually doing what I say to believe he can do! 

Amadeo exhibits such faith...and sometimes watching the church's faith restores my own. They are expanding into a new building pretty soon, and the financial means to make this happen are lacking...by thousands. But one month they are 6,000 behind the necessary costs, and the next month they make that plus the amount needed for that month. Through it all they knew God would provide somehow and he did. Not just financially but also relationally there has been some hurt with people wanting to leave the church, but there is faith new people will come alongside Amadeo. In one week a couple left the church and a new family arrived and are so excited to be apart of the Amadeo family. 

Not to mention all the areas I'm serving..like in the food pantry this past week we only had 30 boxes to give to the homeless instead of the usual 100. I saw Jesus in my fellow servers who cried and had broken hearts that they couldn't serve the best quality to their community, instead of being happy with less work. They are more than elated to go the extra mile if it means more mouths are fed and more people to show Jesus to.

So will I doubt again? Absolutely. And instead of condemning myself or feeling that doubt isn't acceptable, I'll acknowledge it, but that won't be the end of it. What I know now is I just have to look around me and be proven wrong. Not just in the church, but having the privilege to watch God love people who don't love him back, to see his work in my life through my testimony, and to time and time again see him follow through on the promises of the bible. 

So prayer requests: 

For anyone who is doubting- let them turn to God instead of away from him. There is no shame in doubting, he still wants a relationship with you. 

For Amadeo- meet their financial needs, grow in love for each other, the community, and the other churches they unite with. 

For the food pantry- for the workers to blessed like they bless others, and for more food to come in so we can better meet the needs of the poor we so desperately want to love. 

"And he said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself." - Luke 24:38-39

18 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" - Isaiah 30:18

Behind the Scenes

This past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching here at Amadeo! I've been asked a few times since what was the process behind the sermon so I decided to share it here!

I was hoping I would get the chance to speak but was too scared to ask, so when Pastor Ben asked me to I jumped on the opportunity! I have a few blog posts I haven't shared publicly with ideas God has been stirring in my heart, so I decided I would look for a topic there. The first idea that came to mind was the importance of rest. I see so many here at the church working hard to keep ministries running, but in the process they are forgetting to care for themselves. I've caught myself doing that and even thinking of rest as "laziness." When God definitely intended for us to rest. So I started preparing that sermon and about half way through, I believe God told me to write on discipline. And to be honest, I really didn't want to. I've only been apart of this church for two months and as an 18 year old outsider, who am I to tell this congregation (the majority of which are older than me) that they need discipline? But in a way agreeing to speak on this topic was a way, I got to "lay my life down" because it wasn't what I wanted, but I trusted there was a reason God wanted me to deliver that message. 

I wish I could say discipline was something I had mastered before I spoke...but that isn't the case. Nowhere near perfect in this area. I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite, writing about  accepting the Lord disciplines when I knew in my own life I was struggling with that. But Shelly, who has been my go to for practically everything, gave me really great advice. She said if the sermon changed even one persons heart, even if it was my own, then it was worth it. So from the perspective, the sermon was a success. While writing my notes, it turned into me writing the message I needed. I saw my weaknesses more than ever in this time, but also the reality God's strength in those moments. 

I told someone I was sharing on discipline and their response was, "well what about new believers? Won't that scare them away?" And at first I agreed, but after some thought and prayer I realized if anything we should be learning from new believers because they understand their need for Jesus to be head of their life and lead their paths, which is a truth we often forget with time. Also, the bible tells us God disciplines everyone he calls his child, so I believe it applies to all. This realization also gave me confidence that even in my position, I had authority to teach on this because 1) I am receiving the same discipline others are and 2) we are all under the guidance of one spirit, the Holy Spirit, and so I can teach even people who are older than me because it's not me, it's him and his word, I'm just delivering it.

I wrote my first draft and sent it to Ben. This was the scariest part for me because he's been doing this a long time and all I could think was that he would look at it and be like "what is this nonsense?! No way she's speaking!" But he was so gracious. He corrected my mistakes and helped me refocus because as you can tell from my blog posts or any conversation with me, I jump all over the place! I don't take lightly the honor it is to have a pastor I admire so much take the time to steer me the right way and invest in me. It's a big deal for him to let a little girl like me teach the people he spends his life pouring into. He had faith in me. He even left during the second service and I have to admit I panicked a little knowing he wasn't in the building, but again it gave me confidence to know he believed in me. 

My worst fear was that someone would be upset that I was speaking because it wasn't my place, I didn't earn the chance to speak, I hadn't done my time or proven anything in the time I've been here. That fear unfortunately came true when I heard someone say they were angry i would take the stage when they haven't been allowed to. This shook my confidence a bit, and happened Saturday. Needless to say that night I didn't get much sleep. I woke up Sunday morning totally spent and all I could manage to say as I got out of bed was "Lord, I got nothing. I don't feel prepared, I don't know what I'm doing but I am going to show up and I'll trust you will do the same." And he did. I taught in 3 different services and in every single one something different came out of my mouth that was not on my script, and sounded way better than me. I trust that through my shaky words, short breaths, and "ums" God delivered something. 

Between each service I was overwhelmed with so much encouragement and helpful tips that really kept me going. Shelly even made special arrangements so she would be able to come to the first service so I could look at a familiar face for comfort. Am I surrounded by the best people or what? I had people asking for my notes and my PowerPoint (probably because I talked too fast to get what I was saying haha) but nonetheless I was flattered. I can see where a pastor could lose God in this process though. There's a lot of worries about sounding good, looking good, and pleasing people instead of delivering the message from God.

The next day I got a message from someone on Facebook seeming concerned that I was allowed to teach, given that I am a female in the church. I hadn't really made my mind up on how o feel about women teaching until he confronted me with this concern. Let me preface this with the fact that your opinion on this is not a matter of salvation: how you feel about this doesn't determine if you are in Christ or not, so it shouldn't be dividing us as believers. You read verses like 1 Timothy 2:12 which says "I do not permit women to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet." I want to face this argument and not run from it. These are my thoughts, not from God but where I stand on it. There are arguments that there aren't that many verses about it so it's not a big deal. Well, every verse matters. We can't pick and choose what we like. If we believe the bible transcends time, then the argument that the fact women were even allowed to learn with men was huge for that time period also falls on its face. So, what is it? Well all I can speak from is my experience. As head pastor, Ben has authority over all the other speakers. He asked me to speak and because of that I don't see anything wrong with it. If you disagree that is ok. Below I will post the video of my sermon for anyone interested in watching it, and my prayer is that the truth would be heard no matter who is giving the message. 

Anyways, this was such a wonderful learning experience! God did a big work in my heart through this, and I'm so thankful for how it's forming me. I'm trying to see where my gifts are and it's exciting I had the chance to try out teaching! With some public speaking training and a chill pill, I could get really good at this! Amadeo has encouraged me to be the best me God created. And they do the same for all of their members. I saw how ministry is tough, the joy in it, and the necessity of the Holy Spirit in it all. 

I like to end these posts with a verse and the best one I could find to capture all that I experienced I s 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."

Video of Sermon:

https://www.boxcast.com/show/#/oct-11th-service-10am-2

I don't know how to put up my PowerPoint or notes but I will post them somewhere!

Quirkiness in Queen Creek

Being in Arizona really does feel like a whole new world even if it's on the same continent as my home. 

So here's some fun facts I've gathered about these crazy Arizonans..

1) even though it's 10000 degrees, almost everyone always wears jeans. Still haven't gotten to the bottom of this.

2) it is not illegal to text and drive, however there is a law that prohibits donkeys in your bath tub after 7pm.... It makes me wonder what ass was caught in the act!!

3) they say "the" in unnecessary places in their sentences. Example: we're gonna get on the 202 to Phoenix. Why?!?

4) they also don't say north or south when referring to high ways and everything is at an intersection apparently. "Oh yeah it's at power and ray" for about every shop you could need

5) clouds are the most exciting thing here! Clouds = storm and although they know rain is coming...they even call it "monsoon season"...they haven't figured out a drainage system. More than an inch and it's possible you'll get off work. I saw on the news there was .8 of an inch and there was a unanimous "oh no!" 

(But I must say the heat lightning here is incredible)

6) they're a different breed out here, every personality is really distinct and everyone's super friendly, it must be the sunshine (or the joy of the Lord!)

7) lizards are as common as squirrels. I get that it's a desert and all but I really wasn't expecting that! 

Despite these differences I really am feeling at home here. I'm so glad I decided to spend my first semester doing something different with different people than I'm used to! It's been a blast, and I hope no one takes offense to any of that, just fun stuff I've noticed!! 

Ready, Set, Go!

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Jesus Christ for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10 

Since I've been in Arizona, I've done a bunch of new things I never thought I would. I'm running the coffee shop by myself on some days, I got my Zumba instructor license so I can teach Zumba classes, and much more. But those two things stick out in particular because they've taught me similar things.

I may not feel like I'm good enough to run the coffee shop or believe I'm good enough to lead a Zumba class, but who cares! It's whether or not I trust and believe that God has equipped me for every good work, like He's promised.

We're so funny in the fact one day we obey God and have a great outcome and the next day when faced with a decision to listen to Him or not, we are suddenly filled with all this fear and doubt and uncertainty of how it'll go, when yesterday and the day before and the years before have always proved to be good! I don't know about you, but I would hate to look back on my last day and regret all the times unbelief had stopped me from doing everything I wanted to accomplish.

Becoming an instructor is something I've been wanting to do, but the training taught me more than salsa and merengue, it showed me how to jump all in with no reserves.

However, preparation is important. What kind of Zumba instructor would I be if I go to teach my first class unprepared, never listened to the songs, never practiced steps beyond my first training...it wouldn't be pretty. Or if I worked at the coffee shop alone with no training or knowledge of what's on the menu. I think that's why set comes after ready.

We decide that whether we feel ready or not we are in fact ready, because God says so, and then we set ourselves up for success by planning ahead ("prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and AFTER that build your house" Proverbs 24:17). Plans aren't bad, and can be "spirit-led"

 

Setting up for success could look different depending on what the goal is. Sometimes it's getting rid of something we know isn't good in our lives we've been clinging on to. We aren't ready to let that go, but we know we need to. So, set yourself up, or guard yourself, so that you can eliminate it from your life. Regardless of the change, the prep should always include praying, knowing the Word and scriptures to get you through doubts and understanding what God's will is for His people, and educating yourself on what you are doing!

And what I've learned, no matter how much prep work I do, I won't feel completely ready, or set, but the next step is still coming and that's to go! Go in confidence of who God is, who he made you to be, and what you're capable of! As James 2:18 says, "...I will show you my faith BY works" so by doing things, stepping out in faith when you don't have it all figured out, you're setting yourself up to be blown away by God, and it's exciting. Whoever said living the Christian life is boring is doing it wrong. It always will appear to be risky stepping out in faith, but it is so safe and secure. That's the paradox of our God! 

Anything you do in His name and for Him won't go in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58). So our Go may not look like we planned it to, but does God's plans happen like we want them to? For me, usually not. They're better than I could dream of, but in the moment when my plan isn't working and God's doing something different, I panic and feel like all my prep went out the window!

I don't like saying this because I feel like it's cheesy, but "let go and let God" let the go-ing happen and God will move too! Although he can, God won't move a parked car. Rarely will he give a couch potato a CEO position dropped in his lap...NO! You are equipped with working  body parts, an incredible brain, and a heavenly army on your side. Use 'em! You think you're still not ready? Let Him prove you wrong. He proves my doubts and hesitations wrong on the daily, and I want the same for you!

"May he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen." - Hebrews 13:21

"Are You Okay?"

"Are You Okay?" and "How Are You Doing?" Are questions I've been asked frequently while I've been here. More recently because an obvious rash is spreading all over me (thought to be an allergic reaction). But whether it is for physical reasons, a misread facial expression, or someone just caring for my soul, I realize I shouldn't take those questions for granted. I am grateful so many wish to know how I am holding up, especially when I'm experiencing so much change.

I realize that most of the time, I don't answer honestly. Before the whole question comes out, I hear myself saying, "yeah!" with as much enthusiasm as I can muster in that moment. However reflecting on it, yesterday specifically when I wasn't having a good day, I stopped and asked why I do that. It's so silly. I'm trying to fool someone else, and worse, lying to myself.

Two lovely ladies here told me, "if you didn't break down while you're here (in Arizona) something would be wrong. We expect you to." and I knew they would be prepared to handle the weight of whatever was burdening me...but I didn't and still don't know if I can.

I realized after the third or fourth person asked me yesterday morning how I was doing, I could barely say, "okay." and that is my answer. If you can't even say you're okay without wanting to cry, you're not doing okay... and as cliche as it may sound; it is okay not to be okay.

I'm learning God's love for me more every day, and the love around me and realizing no one (even the most perfect and powerful person in the universe) is expecting me to have it together all the time. and that is so freeing.

Have you ever felt trapped, but no reason why? That's how I've been feeling. I have been cared for so well here, and nothing negative has really happened to me, but I don't feel free to be me all the time. The only limitation is the expectation I have put on myself. It doesn't matter how great, or terrible your circumstances are, if you cannot voice what you are feeling at any moment, you are trapped.

I didn't come to Arizona running from anything. I was in a period of grief when I left home, and had some idea that would follow me here, but God is showing me more than just grieving, it's experiencing things I wanted to forget were ever there. From childhood and any hurt I'm carrying since that is stopping me from experiencing the freeing and fulfilling love He (and his church) has to offer. He cares enough to not leave me in the pain, and wants to walk through it with me. Pastor Ben and I had a short talk about grief. He was sharing the wisdom I haven't really thought about before. He mentioned that we focus a lot on grieving behind closed doors instead of together. Isn't that what the church is for? Jesus came for sick, not the upright. So why are we trying to be upright? I need Jesus more than I did when I first accepted Him into my life, because His perfectness reveals my weakness. He needs to be my strength, but I need to see and embrace my weakness. I think we all do.

So, if you have people checking up on how your day is going, care enough back to give them an honest answer. Take time to answer. Think about where you're at today, and accept yourself as loved by the one who created you on your best AND worst days. All the same. And think of who you can check up on. Everyone is allowed bad days, but no one should be allowed to face them alone.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Watch and Learn

I survived my first week and a half here in Arizona!!! Just kidding, it's been such a joy.

(I'm already falling behind on blogging once a week, so this post will be a long one, I'll do better next time!!)

From the moment I arrived in the Phoenix airport, to dinner this evening, I have been surrounded by so much love, support, and understanding. The Amadeo community is even greater than I remembered from two years ago.

I knew there were a ton of new things I'd have to learn, but I honestly had no idea how much. I am working at Third Place Cup, the coffee shop that is (literally) attached to Amadeo church. I rarely drink coffee, and never imagined I would know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, frappe, pour over... the list goes on and on. So I had the privilege to be trained by the amazing Shelly Kohler who has patiently and graciously dealt with my mistakes and lack of confidence in this new job. I heard that this week we had more sales in the coffee shop than ever before, and I'm thankful (as well as nervous) I get to jump right in and support the growth!

I also have the joy of serving alongside a diligent group of people who devote 4+ hours every Tuesday afternoon/evening to work extremely hard to pack and distribute 120 boxes of incredible food to the local homeless community. Every Tuesday. Wow, am I right?

Wednesday evening I got to meet the energetic, lively youth who gather every week to love each other and learn more about the Lord. This week, we went to a park nearby and provided dinner for the community and anyone willing to hang out. It was cool to see middle and high-schoolers being bold and starting conversations with strangers, with a motive of love for Jesus.

Friday I got to serve the community through the coffee shop at open mic night that Third Place Cup hosts every Friday and spend the night worshiping and praying at an all night prayer held in the sanctuary. At the prayer service, a man who had terrible back pain that prevented him from walking was healed. I kid you not, he was sitting in a chair, many prayed over him, he stood up and did a back bend I wouldn't be able to do. That is just one of the many healings I have witnessed this week.

Saturday I got to go to a new community to feed people and talk to them. I met this really cool guy who gave me such wise advice and although he was much older, he treated me as an equal. He shared that he had a heart attack, and his son who was 7 years old visited him in the hospital for a short time before the doctors rushed him out after his dad flat lined. He died, and came back to life with no explanation from the doctors. Needless to say his thankful heart (pun intended) and respect for who God is in his life was something I can't forget.

Sunday was a wonderful day where I got to pray for an hour for the church with some prayer warriors before service started. The love and joy in the sanctuary was indescribable and the unity was obvious.

The crazy thing is, this is only a fraction of what the church does. They host groups of suicide survivors, offer free pregnancy tests, deep prayers, men's breakfast, women's bible study... Their service just never stops!

I have been fortunate enough to watch the Amadeo community love each other and Queen Creek community through all these activities and more. Not only did I observe the obvious necessary training, but I saw God perform miracles before my eyes. That really showed me my lack of faith. It's easy to read the Bible and all the ailments Jesus healed, but to see it is a whole new story. It is possible to trust God to do mighty things, and He will.
I also learned that members of the congregation are faithful to the callings on their heart and have enough trust and support in the church that they confidently share their ideas with the church, trusting they will gather and stretch themselves to make the idea reality. That is what happened with re-store, the food pantry on Tuesdays, that started out of Shelly's house years ago, and now fills the church.

I could go on and on, but if you made it to this point on my long post... I'll sum up what I've learned here.

1. Prayer is everything, It is powerful and purposeful.

2. This congregation willing serves A LOT, and don't feel like they "have to" do anything. Shelly, who I work with at the coffee shop told me just today that she volunteers with no pay because running that coffee shop brings her joy and she doesn't feel stuck into serving, but she is delighted to.
(that says something about how Amadeo treats their members, and about the members who are so faithful to the church and to God.)

3. Everything Amadeo has been blessed with they use to bless others. None of their resources are reserved for themselves. What they have in the moment, they will give to you. (I feel comfortable saying they when I refer to the church because they truly are unified.)

4. Rest is necessary and valued here. With everyone giving of themselves, it's important to take a break and not feel burdened. When Pastor Ben gave me my schedule my first response was, "I don't think there's enough for me to do!" But I was wrong. He was right. He put in break periods that I so need, and haven't allowed myself to have. There is just as much meaning in giving as their is in receiving and being filled by the right things. Naps have become my best friend, and have helped me serve because I want to, not because I have to.

Honestly, this is just a snapshot of everything, so I will definitely blog more often so this isn't so long..

Last thing, I just am constantly reminded of the early church while I'm here and this Scripture nails all that Amadeo is:

"They devoted themselves to the apostle's teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signed performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-47 

Preface

As many of you know, I will spending the fall season in Queens Creek, Arizona, which will feel hotter at this time of the year than it does in my usual summer. This blog is completely dedicated to what the next few months will teach me that I don't even know yet.

Here, I will record my emotions, experiences, prayers, and praises as I respond to God moving in my life and those around me.

My first choice was to call this blog "My Response" because I believe Jesus calls us beyond the initial encounter to follow Him. A relationship with Him means responding to who He is day by day, moment by moment. My response to His callings will be recorded in various ways throughout this blog I want to share with all of you.

But some lucky fella picked that name already, so I chose Singing My Desert Song instead. I hope you pick up the pun, but for those who haven't, Desert Song is one of my all time favorite Christian songs, and is fitting because I will be in Arizona! 

For those of you who blog regularly, please comment and keep up with my posts! For those of you who do not, I will post most, if not all, of my posts on Facebook!

Before I even start this journey, and as I prepare my heart to respond to a calling waaaay bigger than me, I am reminded to thank people who have supported my walk with the Lord and made this possible.

Sooo, Thank you to:

Tony Sheng, my mentor who let me intern with Embercast (and contact to Amadeo Church in Queens Creek), my parents and siblings who are just as excited as I am to send me off in my not so conventional first semester of college, to my youth group leaders in Maryland, Anna Moore and Mariana Ganim who believed in me and Jesus's work in me enough to encourage me constantly to step out and follow the Spirit's unpredictable calling. Lastly, Amadeo Church, who hosted me on a missions trip two years ago, and blew me away enough to make me want to return and be apart of the mighty work they are doing in Arizona, I feel so blessed (#blessed) to be invited back with open arms, and so many offering to host me in their homes. I am so excited to meet the Ozmon family, who has so generously offered to care for me while I am there.

Let the Journey Begin!!!