Sometimes I get a word in my head and I can't get rid of it. Recently it's been the word numb. Initially I was going to write about how easy it is to become numb to the brokenness around us. The apathy that so naturally fills us because of how normal some things have become, sadly. But even more devastating is the fact that many of us are becoming apathetic to God by being numb to the Spirit.
How many of you go to church every week? How many of you stop and think about why you do that? How many of you read your bible every day, or every week? and what's the reason for that? When you open your bible, are you looking to find more of Jesus in it, or trying to get your moral lesson for the day that applies to your life?
I think we are becoming numb to our routine worship, so much so that it isn't even worship anymore. These people worship me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. - Matthew 15:8.
What does having a heart near to God look like?
My answer would be getting excited for what God is doing around you, and being aware of what he is doing in you. My pastor said in a recent sermon "we are too easily satisfied." We settle for temptations in comparison to the satisfaction we could find in the Lord. But even when we do come to him, we read a chapter in the bible or listen to a worship song and we got our "fix" for the day. No!!! The bible tells us to never stop rejoicing, never stop praying, never stop giving thanks. The fact we have our God time and carry on the majority of the day without regard for him is insanity. It's seriously such a shame we don't get excited for what God is doing anymore. When someone walks into a church for the first time we hardly notice. Instead we could be celebrating like they are in heaven. We take praying lightly, hardly remembering we are having a conversation with the Creator of the whole universe, who knit you together in your mother's womb, who has given you his righteousness that you do not deserve, but that's what he was willing to do to be one with you again. And discipleship is just because "you're supposed to." No wonder we're numb to brokenness of the world around us, we're numb to the Creator who shows it to us.
I claim, like many of you, that my hope is in Jesus, but I honestly don't think about him coming back. My mind is rarely set on eternity, very occasionally on things above. That is where I go numb. I am frequently indifferent to the reality that he will come again, and that there is urgency in our existence.
So if in any way you have become numb to the Lord, going to bible study because that's what every Thursday is for; the sake of routine rather than seeking Jesus, going to church for the music and to look nice, or just forgetting him in the small things, the question to ask now is how to un-numb yourself. How do you get back to that early excitement, that urgency, or maybe discover it for the first time? The best place, the only place, to start is with God. Tell him what you want, and if it's in line with his will, it will be answered. This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us - 1 John 5:14. And let me tell you, it's his will for you to be more intimate with him. If you want all things to flow from him, you have to go to him, asking for that to happen. You can do nothing apart from God, even loving him is through him. Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water - Hebrews 10:22.
Maybe mix up how you spend time with him, too. If you're in a relationship and your first date was at the movies, you don't only go to the movies the rest of your relationship. Hopefully you go out to eat, or explore new interests. Meet him in those new places; on a walk, in your room, in different worship music, in different service groups. Nothing is wrong with spicing up the relationship, especially if you will be more intimate with him as a result. Maybe you need to see God somewhere you haven't seen him before; let him out of the box he is so often put in. He isn't just there whenever you decide to dust off your bible, or when you enter a church building. Believe it or not, the all-knowing, sovereign Father is indeed everywhere. Find him there!
"If you seek me wholeheartedly, you will find me." - Jeremiah 29:13
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Where the Church Went Wrong
I was reading through Luke, and read Jesus' arrest differently. Right as Judas was about to betray Jesus with that legendary kiss, the disciples caught on to what was happening. The scene is in the garden, and soldiers are approaching Jesus and his disciples to take Jesus to the cross.
"When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen {Jesus being betrayed}, they said, 'Lord, should we strike them with our swords?' And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, 'No more of this!' And he touched the man's ear and healed him." - Luke 22:49-51
I remember when I was a senior in high school, I had this history teacher who wanted to make it very clear the church was at fault for a lot of historical events that could have been avoided. He loved talking about the Crusades and Christian bombers, and even the every day 'judgmental' and 'hypocritical' Christians everyone likes to point their finger at. It got me thinking, where did we go wrong? How did the church become the problem, rather than the solution? It's okay if people hate the church because of Jesus, it is not okay to hate Jesus because of the church. (John 15:18-25). We don't need everyone to like us. In fact, the Bible tells us that won't happen. What we do need is to be pointing others to Jesus. That is the very purpose of the church body.
The church has gone wrong with a rebellious heart, even behind good intent. The passage I put above is how I have seen Christian's react when they see people sinning, or using the Lord's name in vain. As Christ's body, we see something does not honor God, like Jesus being betrayed (good intent), so we act rashly, like cutting someone's ear off (poor follow through). We intervene, telling that awful sinner "No!" We want them to know the truth, the weight of their actions, but we forget that they aren't held to the same standard if they are not in Christ. We as Christians, cannot tell "outsiders" how they should behave (1 Corinthians 5:12-13). Christians, you have a good intention, don't get rid of that! But change your approach.
The interesting thing about this passage is the disciples asked Jesus what they should do, but before they listened to the Holy Spirit, the answer from Jesus, they went ahead and chopped a guy's ear off. The injured man didn't feel love in that moment, and he didn't understand truth better. He concluded that these people were up to no good. He, the servant of the high priest who in this scenario represents the non-church goer, rightfully interpreted that he was hated and unwanted because he opposed them. I love what Jesus does, though. Jesus says, "Stop it! I don't want anymore of this judgmental anger. You, the church, love and get personal with the people that oppose you." And he just puts the ear back on! Like sorry my people messed up, but you actually are loved. Humility.
So maybe the problem is we don't wait to hear from the Lord. The disciples asked the right question, "what should we do about this guy's disobedience?" but instead of waiting for Jesus to answer, they took matters into their own hands. They let their passion, although coming from a good place, take the place of truth, and grace, which are the two qualities Jesus fully expressed at all times.
The church didn't get its bad rep because people outside of the church didn't like it. The church got its bad rep because the people inside the church spent more time rebuking, correcting, and teaching people outside of the church than they did being rebuked, corrected, and taught by the Lord. Let's change that. Although the Lord has always seen the church as holy, (because his love is based on Jesus not on us), it is time for the world to see us that way, too, whether they like it or not. We, as the body, need to acknowledge where we have stepped out of line, especially to nonbelievers, and express the same humility Jesus did, putting the ear back on the man who he knew would arrest him anyways.
"Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, and offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." -Ephesians 5:1-2
"When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen {Jesus being betrayed}, they said, 'Lord, should we strike them with our swords?' And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, 'No more of this!' And he touched the man's ear and healed him." - Luke 22:49-51
I remember when I was a senior in high school, I had this history teacher who wanted to make it very clear the church was at fault for a lot of historical events that could have been avoided. He loved talking about the Crusades and Christian bombers, and even the every day 'judgmental' and 'hypocritical' Christians everyone likes to point their finger at. It got me thinking, where did we go wrong? How did the church become the problem, rather than the solution? It's okay if people hate the church because of Jesus, it is not okay to hate Jesus because of the church. (John 15:18-25). We don't need everyone to like us. In fact, the Bible tells us that won't happen. What we do need is to be pointing others to Jesus. That is the very purpose of the church body.
The church has gone wrong with a rebellious heart, even behind good intent. The passage I put above is how I have seen Christian's react when they see people sinning, or using the Lord's name in vain. As Christ's body, we see something does not honor God, like Jesus being betrayed (good intent), so we act rashly, like cutting someone's ear off (poor follow through). We intervene, telling that awful sinner "No!" We want them to know the truth, the weight of their actions, but we forget that they aren't held to the same standard if they are not in Christ. We as Christians, cannot tell "outsiders" how they should behave (1 Corinthians 5:12-13). Christians, you have a good intention, don't get rid of that! But change your approach.
The interesting thing about this passage is the disciples asked Jesus what they should do, but before they listened to the Holy Spirit, the answer from Jesus, they went ahead and chopped a guy's ear off. The injured man didn't feel love in that moment, and he didn't understand truth better. He concluded that these people were up to no good. He, the servant of the high priest who in this scenario represents the non-church goer, rightfully interpreted that he was hated and unwanted because he opposed them. I love what Jesus does, though. Jesus says, "Stop it! I don't want anymore of this judgmental anger. You, the church, love and get personal with the people that oppose you." And he just puts the ear back on! Like sorry my people messed up, but you actually are loved. Humility.
So maybe the problem is we don't wait to hear from the Lord. The disciples asked the right question, "what should we do about this guy's disobedience?" but instead of waiting for Jesus to answer, they took matters into their own hands. They let their passion, although coming from a good place, take the place of truth, and grace, which are the two qualities Jesus fully expressed at all times.
The church didn't get its bad rep because people outside of the church didn't like it. The church got its bad rep because the people inside the church spent more time rebuking, correcting, and teaching people outside of the church than they did being rebuked, corrected, and taught by the Lord. Let's change that. Although the Lord has always seen the church as holy, (because his love is based on Jesus not on us), it is time for the world to see us that way, too, whether they like it or not. We, as the body, need to acknowledge where we have stepped out of line, especially to nonbelievers, and express the same humility Jesus did, putting the ear back on the man who he knew would arrest him anyways.
"Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, and offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." -Ephesians 5:1-2
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Answered Prayers
I've been wanting to blog the last few days, but I have honestly been speechless. I still am, but I can't take it anymore.
God is doing amazing things, and I just have to tell you about it!
I go to a secular, public university, but from my point of view the last few weeks, you could hardly tell. I'm not saying there isn't brokenness, not at all. What I am saying is that God's presence is so evident. This whole semester has been a journey of seeing God more, everywhere. But at this point, I don't even have to go looking, he is showing himself in places I was beginning to lose hope.
A few weeks ago, I started praying. I don't mean "watch over me as I sleep" prayers, but like real burdens. The real, "I don't even think you'll do anything God, but would you just listen to what's bothering me?" prayers. I have been complaining to God every day since, nagging on him to listen to my little worries, and my big ones. And he has been unbelievably faithful to fulfill every request, and more. (And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we will have the requests that we have asked of him. -1 John 5:14-15). I want to praise Jesus for meeting me there, but please note that whether God answers our prayers or not, he is still good, and still praiseworthy. Don't do yourself a disservice by having a shallow relationship with God, only thanking him when things are good, and avoiding him when they are not. He is the same, beautiful, majestic, glorious Father whether we recognize our blessings or not.
Anyways, my prayers were heard. The prayers he put on my heart, he has carried out. I'm pretty far into the semester now and I had the rude awakening right before spring break, that there is no more room for excuses. I can't say I'm not sharing the gospel because I am still adjusting, that I don't feel the call, that I'm too busy. God knows me too well to even entertain those excuses. I was out of excuses, but the miraculous thing was, I didn't want to have anymore excuses. I didn't, and don't want to resist anymore. Before I even started seeking a change, God was transforming my stubborn, pitiful heart into a willing, and hungry heart. But then what?
I haven't been bold in my faith, in terms of talking to strangers, sharing the gospel, in far too long. I felt rusty. Not an excuse, but another cry for help. "Okay God, we both want me to go, would you bring people alongside of me, with the same desires?" A day goes by. My roommate comes running in our room, all excited that a young man had asked to pray over her and engage in a spiritual conversation. She politely declined him, but we went on to have an hour conversation of the gospel she grew up hearing. Man, my conviction grew. People on campus are doing the stuff and I am beyond encouraged. When can I go?
The next day I'm sitting outside in beautiful weather and two older gentlemen come over and ask if we could have a spiritual conversation. "Heck yes, take a seat!" and the two sit before me. They tell me they are from Ohio, helping a new church plant on campus, and that their group have seen 7 people decide to put their faith in Jesus in that week alone. It was Tuesday when they stopped me. I told them I'm really eager but feel unprepared, and they offered that I shadow them the next day. Great! I had my people to teach me, but what happens after they leave? "God, would you please give me people who are on campus, who will join me?" Wednesday morning, a man at breakfast asked me what was on my mind. I had recognized him from one of the ministries I participate in on campus. Funny he should ask, as I was just talking to my mentor about how I wish the same ministry I am apart of with this guy would do more for the campus. Long story, but he has the same heart I do, wanting to go.
I went with the Ohio guys and invited my friend on campus. We separated from them and my two friends joined me in some conversations. It felt like I never stopped after just a few times. The guy I met at breakfast invited me to an event the following Saturday to join a group that are already involved on campus and in the community with the same stuff I'm interested in. We both go, and we both left amazed. I was expecting it to be all students, but of the 15 or so that were there, I think there were 5 students total. There were three staff members from our school, and nearby neighbors..every walk of life. All coming together to encourage each other and the ministry at hand. I got up at one point just too excited to sit still! God was and is doing something huge.
My other friend involved in a different ministry has been going on prayer walks like every day. I see Christian organizations rising up and waking up to the calling we've all fallen asleep to. Whether its be writing verses on the sidewalk, or meeting faithfully every week, or uttering Jesus name, He is being glorified more on this campus than I could have prayed to see in 4 more years at this university. There is change happening, and I am beyond elated that I'm not the only one who won't stop until we see it.
All of this to say, many peoples prayers are being answered, but on so many more levels than I can describe here.
So to end this long post (I didn't even include everything!), whether you are paying attention to how God is moving in your life and around you or not, he is. But man, you are missing out on some indescribable excitement if you don't tune in. I can honestly say my heart feels like it is going to explode every day from the life I have found in Jesus, and I pray the same for you.
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad with what you have done, I will sing for joy at the works of your hands." - Psalm 92:4
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:20
God is doing amazing things, and I just have to tell you about it!
I go to a secular, public university, but from my point of view the last few weeks, you could hardly tell. I'm not saying there isn't brokenness, not at all. What I am saying is that God's presence is so evident. This whole semester has been a journey of seeing God more, everywhere. But at this point, I don't even have to go looking, he is showing himself in places I was beginning to lose hope.
A few weeks ago, I started praying. I don't mean "watch over me as I sleep" prayers, but like real burdens. The real, "I don't even think you'll do anything God, but would you just listen to what's bothering me?" prayers. I have been complaining to God every day since, nagging on him to listen to my little worries, and my big ones. And he has been unbelievably faithful to fulfill every request, and more. (And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we will have the requests that we have asked of him. -1 John 5:14-15). I want to praise Jesus for meeting me there, but please note that whether God answers our prayers or not, he is still good, and still praiseworthy. Don't do yourself a disservice by having a shallow relationship with God, only thanking him when things are good, and avoiding him when they are not. He is the same, beautiful, majestic, glorious Father whether we recognize our blessings or not.
Anyways, my prayers were heard. The prayers he put on my heart, he has carried out. I'm pretty far into the semester now and I had the rude awakening right before spring break, that there is no more room for excuses. I can't say I'm not sharing the gospel because I am still adjusting, that I don't feel the call, that I'm too busy. God knows me too well to even entertain those excuses. I was out of excuses, but the miraculous thing was, I didn't want to have anymore excuses. I didn't, and don't want to resist anymore. Before I even started seeking a change, God was transforming my stubborn, pitiful heart into a willing, and hungry heart. But then what?
I haven't been bold in my faith, in terms of talking to strangers, sharing the gospel, in far too long. I felt rusty. Not an excuse, but another cry for help. "Okay God, we both want me to go, would you bring people alongside of me, with the same desires?" A day goes by. My roommate comes running in our room, all excited that a young man had asked to pray over her and engage in a spiritual conversation. She politely declined him, but we went on to have an hour conversation of the gospel she grew up hearing. Man, my conviction grew. People on campus are doing the stuff and I am beyond encouraged. When can I go?
The next day I'm sitting outside in beautiful weather and two older gentlemen come over and ask if we could have a spiritual conversation. "Heck yes, take a seat!" and the two sit before me. They tell me they are from Ohio, helping a new church plant on campus, and that their group have seen 7 people decide to put their faith in Jesus in that week alone. It was Tuesday when they stopped me. I told them I'm really eager but feel unprepared, and they offered that I shadow them the next day. Great! I had my people to teach me, but what happens after they leave? "God, would you please give me people who are on campus, who will join me?" Wednesday morning, a man at breakfast asked me what was on my mind. I had recognized him from one of the ministries I participate in on campus. Funny he should ask, as I was just talking to my mentor about how I wish the same ministry I am apart of with this guy would do more for the campus. Long story, but he has the same heart I do, wanting to go.
I went with the Ohio guys and invited my friend on campus. We separated from them and my two friends joined me in some conversations. It felt like I never stopped after just a few times. The guy I met at breakfast invited me to an event the following Saturday to join a group that are already involved on campus and in the community with the same stuff I'm interested in. We both go, and we both left amazed. I was expecting it to be all students, but of the 15 or so that were there, I think there were 5 students total. There were three staff members from our school, and nearby neighbors..every walk of life. All coming together to encourage each other and the ministry at hand. I got up at one point just too excited to sit still! God was and is doing something huge.
My other friend involved in a different ministry has been going on prayer walks like every day. I see Christian organizations rising up and waking up to the calling we've all fallen asleep to. Whether its be writing verses on the sidewalk, or meeting faithfully every week, or uttering Jesus name, He is being glorified more on this campus than I could have prayed to see in 4 more years at this university. There is change happening, and I am beyond elated that I'm not the only one who won't stop until we see it.
All of this to say, many peoples prayers are being answered, but on so many more levels than I can describe here.
So to end this long post (I didn't even include everything!), whether you are paying attention to how God is moving in your life and around you or not, he is. But man, you are missing out on some indescribable excitement if you don't tune in. I can honestly say my heart feels like it is going to explode every day from the life I have found in Jesus, and I pray the same for you.
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad with what you have done, I will sing for joy at the works of your hands." - Psalm 92:4
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:20
Friday, March 4, 2016
"Every Rose Has Its Thorn"
A year ago today my life changed, and little did I know at the time it was for the better. I am not going to give this date more hold in my life than it deserves, but this year reflection is worth noting.
I found myself incredibly broken and lost on March 5th, 2015. I think it is the most vulnerable I have been in a long time. God has used that vulnerability in amazing ways this past year.
I knew that you had to come to the end of yourself to turn to God, I had done that a few times before. But I came to such a place where I was paralyzed on my own. Something had to change. Both in my physical situation, but in my spiritual life as well.
I was doing okay. I stayed out of trouble, was attending church, avoiding bad, associating with good. I even went to weekly bible study afterwards like nothing had happened the week before. But that wasn't what God wanted for me. He wanted, and still wants, my heart to long for Him and put Him above all else. To love Him, not because doing so keeps my life relatively stable and I don't have trouble around me, but because loving Him is what I am made to do. He made it possible for me to have full access to Him through Jesus (Romans 3:23-24), and He wants me to live in the freedom of knowing Him. I don't think I could know Him like I do now, if I hadn't been stripped of everything I was holding onto a year ago. Coming to God isn't comfortable, but that isn't a reason to avoid it. Note that when I say coming to God, I don't mean coming to church, coming to bible studies...not where He is. I mean coming to who He is.
He showed his love, presence, and action in my life so tangibly in the following weeks. I have an amazing mentor (seriously, everyone needs someone pouring into them) that stepped in and helped me turn to God for answers when I was so so lost. Anna Moore is something else, y'all. Anyways, He sent her and her husband to guide me through something I could have never done on my own. They loved me enough to show me such an incredible balance between comfort and sternness. They didn't go easy on me, they didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. They loved me too much to do that. Letting go of comfort was, and is, one of the hardest things for me. It's a lot like a thorny rose. You get poked by a thorn and find it is easier to hold on than to feel it being pulled out of your skin. Once the thorn is pulled, there is a little blood (or grieving), but then you can see the rose for more than the thorn. That's what I needed. I could have gotten comfortable with pain, but Jesus felt all the pain so I didn't have to stay in what hurt.
I got to mourn and grieve and feel like crap. I went through denial, anger, rebellion. All of it, but with Him. He wept with me, and held me like a Father holds a newborn. He disciplined me and showed me being His is all that mattered to him. I couldn't give anything, and he carried me every second I wanted to give up. He put a strength in me I never knew was possible.
I ended up getting into my current university (I was dying to go to) in the spring, which allowed me to go experience all that I did in Arizona.
Arizona wouldn't have happened if I didn't let go.
That alone makes me want to run to God and ask what else I am holding on to that is standing in the way of unexpected blessings. God's presence was sooooooo evident in Arizona, and he grew me as a believer and a young woman in such a beautiful way. I no longer felt like the thorny part of a rose, but the rose itself. I learned and experienced true forgiveness, which allowed me to forgive others. I understood Jesus' love more than I ever could have if I was seeking love in other things. I understood His lordship and the importance of revering him as the true authority. He is sovereign and yet so personal. I learned being in such an unconditional relationship with my one true love. I could give him every intimate detail about me, knowing it was in good hands. If I needed to learn how to trust, it was going to be with the most faithful. If I was going to understand love, it was going to be with the God that is Love (1 John 4:8). When I couldn't give him my "good deeds" or even the time of day, he showed me he didn't care how I responded, but that he would love me the same. He is no joke.
This year makes me wonder what other events have changed the course of my life, and how God used such a mess, such a brokenness to make me more whole than I was before I broke. Do you remember any days when God just intervened so clearly and set you on his path? I'm thankful for March 5th, 2015. Something I thought I would never say. But with God, never say never. This day will mean nothing in the years to come but maybe a reminder that sin never has the final word.
2015 was messy. But it was the best year of my life. I experienced more pain, and more beauty than ever before in my life (in such a short time), and I got to see new parts of God to fall in love with through it all.
Don't get me wrong, God isn't good just because my life is better, and prayers got answered. He isn't good because now it is okay, but because he met me there, sobbing in my car, yelling at Him. He saw me as the rose in that moment, and loved me enough to walk through everything with me so that I could see the rose I am, too.
I hope this is an encouragement to anyone who feels like God doesn't see where you're at, or there is no way to bounce back. Seriously, yell at God if that's what you need, He can take it. Just anyway you can let Him in. His love for you is so genuine He will never force it on you, but accept it. It's there.
Also, don't hate any part of your story. God uses everything, especially, the most unexpected things to let you know your worth to Him.
“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr, A Tour Round My Garden
I found myself incredibly broken and lost on March 5th, 2015. I think it is the most vulnerable I have been in a long time. God has used that vulnerability in amazing ways this past year.
I knew that you had to come to the end of yourself to turn to God, I had done that a few times before. But I came to such a place where I was paralyzed on my own. Something had to change. Both in my physical situation, but in my spiritual life as well.
I was doing okay. I stayed out of trouble, was attending church, avoiding bad, associating with good. I even went to weekly bible study afterwards like nothing had happened the week before. But that wasn't what God wanted for me. He wanted, and still wants, my heart to long for Him and put Him above all else. To love Him, not because doing so keeps my life relatively stable and I don't have trouble around me, but because loving Him is what I am made to do. He made it possible for me to have full access to Him through Jesus (Romans 3:23-24), and He wants me to live in the freedom of knowing Him. I don't think I could know Him like I do now, if I hadn't been stripped of everything I was holding onto a year ago. Coming to God isn't comfortable, but that isn't a reason to avoid it. Note that when I say coming to God, I don't mean coming to church, coming to bible studies...not where He is. I mean coming to who He is.
He showed his love, presence, and action in my life so tangibly in the following weeks. I have an amazing mentor (seriously, everyone needs someone pouring into them) that stepped in and helped me turn to God for answers when I was so so lost. Anna Moore is something else, y'all. Anyways, He sent her and her husband to guide me through something I could have never done on my own. They loved me enough to show me such an incredible balance between comfort and sternness. They didn't go easy on me, they didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. They loved me too much to do that. Letting go of comfort was, and is, one of the hardest things for me. It's a lot like a thorny rose. You get poked by a thorn and find it is easier to hold on than to feel it being pulled out of your skin. Once the thorn is pulled, there is a little blood (or grieving), but then you can see the rose for more than the thorn. That's what I needed. I could have gotten comfortable with pain, but Jesus felt all the pain so I didn't have to stay in what hurt.
I got to mourn and grieve and feel like crap. I went through denial, anger, rebellion. All of it, but with Him. He wept with me, and held me like a Father holds a newborn. He disciplined me and showed me being His is all that mattered to him. I couldn't give anything, and he carried me every second I wanted to give up. He put a strength in me I never knew was possible.
I ended up getting into my current university (I was dying to go to) in the spring, which allowed me to go experience all that I did in Arizona.
Arizona wouldn't have happened if I didn't let go.
That alone makes me want to run to God and ask what else I am holding on to that is standing in the way of unexpected blessings. God's presence was sooooooo evident in Arizona, and he grew me as a believer and a young woman in such a beautiful way. I no longer felt like the thorny part of a rose, but the rose itself. I learned and experienced true forgiveness, which allowed me to forgive others. I understood Jesus' love more than I ever could have if I was seeking love in other things. I understood His lordship and the importance of revering him as the true authority. He is sovereign and yet so personal. I learned being in such an unconditional relationship with my one true love. I could give him every intimate detail about me, knowing it was in good hands. If I needed to learn how to trust, it was going to be with the most faithful. If I was going to understand love, it was going to be with the God that is Love (1 John 4:8). When I couldn't give him my "good deeds" or even the time of day, he showed me he didn't care how I responded, but that he would love me the same. He is no joke.
This year makes me wonder what other events have changed the course of my life, and how God used such a mess, such a brokenness to make me more whole than I was before I broke. Do you remember any days when God just intervened so clearly and set you on his path? I'm thankful for March 5th, 2015. Something I thought I would never say. But with God, never say never. This day will mean nothing in the years to come but maybe a reminder that sin never has the final word.
2015 was messy. But it was the best year of my life. I experienced more pain, and more beauty than ever before in my life (in such a short time), and I got to see new parts of God to fall in love with through it all.
Don't get me wrong, God isn't good just because my life is better, and prayers got answered. He isn't good because now it is okay, but because he met me there, sobbing in my car, yelling at Him. He saw me as the rose in that moment, and loved me enough to walk through everything with me so that I could see the rose I am, too.
I hope this is an encouragement to anyone who feels like God doesn't see where you're at, or there is no way to bounce back. Seriously, yell at God if that's what you need, He can take it. Just anyway you can let Him in. His love for you is so genuine He will never force it on you, but accept it. It's there.
Also, don't hate any part of your story. God uses everything, especially, the most unexpected things to let you know your worth to Him.
“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr, A Tour Round My Garden
These two songs are so so quality and kind of explain God and me this past year, and maybe is what you need to hear :)
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you"
"The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." -- Psalm 51:12,17
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Why Jesus Wasn't Good
College makes me think about Jesus, A LOT.
I think about what kind of student Jesus would be, what clubs he would be in, where you'd find him. Your first thought may be he would obviously know everything so he would have straight As and extra points for totally being a legacy of his Dad who created everything. You might think he would be in all the bible studies and president of the service clubs and MVP in everything. But I don't think the answers are that obvious.
I've been reading through Luke and realizing with new eyes that Jesus was a bad dude, in the best kind of way. He would probably be failing most of his college classes because he would be challenging the expertise of professors with doctorates in their respective subjects. Think about it, he pretty much told the Pharisees over and over they didn't understand the purpose of the law and what it really said, when they spent their whole lives worshiping the law. He wouldn't go to every bible study, and join every service group because those people already have it together ("It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." - Luke 5:31-32). Although Jesus is far from ordinary, I think he would blend in. He would hang out with other failing students, and spend time alone in his dorm room (But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. - Luke 5:16). I can almost guarantee he would be in the fishing club though! He wouldn't draw attention to himself as president of being perfect. You probably would walk right by him.
Jesus was all about his father's business, and anyone who knows anything about business knows it is messy. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase, "what's right isn't always easy, and what's easy isn't always right." I would say that was Jesus' life motto. If he did things easy, well, we wouldn't have a Savior for one thing, but he wouldn't challenge the norms. What was right for the sake of his father's business was to make people uncomfortable. He didn't do what was expected of someone who loved God, because his relationship with God wasn't based on his performance (although he would've aced that). He wasn't doing good for people to be identified as a Christian, because if you aren't doing good things you can't be associated with God, right? WRONG. He was with the so called "bad" people because he cared about their needs rather than making a respectable image for himself. Jesus never set out to be good, he redefined what is good.
Although Lent is traditionally Catholic, I really cherish it as a time all believers should partake in. This Lent, I want to be bad. I don't want to improve my religious reputation by getting rid of something that is already bad for me, I want to change how I approach my walk with God, I want to learn how to be bad for the right reasons. I would challenge you to do the same. Lent is between you and God, so I will not share what it will look like for me, because it shouldn't look the same for you.
"All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this (teaching from Jesus). They got up, drove him (Jesus) out of town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him down the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way." -Luke 4:28-29
I think about what kind of student Jesus would be, what clubs he would be in, where you'd find him. Your first thought may be he would obviously know everything so he would have straight As and extra points for totally being a legacy of his Dad who created everything. You might think he would be in all the bible studies and president of the service clubs and MVP in everything. But I don't think the answers are that obvious.
I've been reading through Luke and realizing with new eyes that Jesus was a bad dude, in the best kind of way. He would probably be failing most of his college classes because he would be challenging the expertise of professors with doctorates in their respective subjects. Think about it, he pretty much told the Pharisees over and over they didn't understand the purpose of the law and what it really said, when they spent their whole lives worshiping the law. He wouldn't go to every bible study, and join every service group because those people already have it together ("It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." - Luke 5:31-32). Although Jesus is far from ordinary, I think he would blend in. He would hang out with other failing students, and spend time alone in his dorm room (But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. - Luke 5:16). I can almost guarantee he would be in the fishing club though! He wouldn't draw attention to himself as president of being perfect. You probably would walk right by him.
Jesus was all about his father's business, and anyone who knows anything about business knows it is messy. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase, "what's right isn't always easy, and what's easy isn't always right." I would say that was Jesus' life motto. If he did things easy, well, we wouldn't have a Savior for one thing, but he wouldn't challenge the norms. What was right for the sake of his father's business was to make people uncomfortable. He didn't do what was expected of someone who loved God, because his relationship with God wasn't based on his performance (although he would've aced that). He wasn't doing good for people to be identified as a Christian, because if you aren't doing good things you can't be associated with God, right? WRONG. He was with the so called "bad" people because he cared about their needs rather than making a respectable image for himself. Jesus never set out to be good, he redefined what is good.
Although Lent is traditionally Catholic, I really cherish it as a time all believers should partake in. This Lent, I want to be bad. I don't want to improve my religious reputation by getting rid of something that is already bad for me, I want to change how I approach my walk with God, I want to learn how to be bad for the right reasons. I would challenge you to do the same. Lent is between you and God, so I will not share what it will look like for me, because it shouldn't look the same for you.
"All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this (teaching from Jesus). They got up, drove him (Jesus) out of town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him down the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way." -Luke 4:28-29
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Meaninglessness
This past week I was fortunate enough to start my college career at University of North Carolina- Wilmington. I love it so much and it's been everything I have wanted it to be. The downside is that I've been having a hard time getting in a consistent quiet time. I've been slacking on seeking the Lord for what my college years will be about, what purpose he may be preparing me for in this season, and although there is no good excuse to skipping out on my precious relationship with him, my reason is that I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed with who am I and how am I supposed to decide my future career and why am I joining the surf club and a criminology club and am I who I was in high school, how do I become something new, better? All these things are floating around in my head, and I know they only have answers in Jesus, because he's the basis of my life, right? At least I thought.
In a freshman seminar every first year student has to take, I was asked what I want to get out of life. My first instinct wasn't to know Jesus more... and man was I convicted. I first thought travel...but then what's the point of seeing the world, and not praising the one who made it? and eventually, I would run out of places to go...so upfront I know that isn't fulfilling...its a good distraction, looking like it has intent when it really is focusing on the things of this world rather than things above. (Not that traveling is bad!!) I was more impacted by my classmates responses. The majority of them said that out of life they want to get "success" and "happiness." I was really sad for them. Not that those aren't great things, but that's what they want to look back and say they obtained. Happiness, Success. As I was reading their answers and my own on the board in front of me, I just kept thinking Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There's a great chapter in Ecclesiastes about how everything in this world is meaningless, and in that moment that rang truer than ever before. I just realized then that all these pursuits for happiness, for success, for adventure, for a college degree, and anything else is all so meaningless when there is no God involved.
That is why I am reminded constantly I want people to know Jesus. It's like being able to have a thanksgiving feast every day with him, and choosing to dig for scraps of success and half-eaten happiness out of the dumpster you travel to. In this eagerness I have to tell people about Jesus, I hear him telling me to yield to him. I'm like what? Dude I've been waiting to get out there and talk about him. But after attending a church on Sunday and an awesome college ministry called overflow on Tuesday, I got the pretty clear message my heart isn't ready. I am not seeking him in my own life, who am I to tell others to? I'm all about walking the talk... Not that I have to pray every day and read my bible to have Jesus, but if those aren't a priority in my life, I have to be real and say that he hasn't been either. I am not spending time at his feet, and after a few years of this I've realized that even talking about him can come from a selfish ambition. Talking about him for my own fulfillment rather than his glory, is meaningless too. This is kinda where I am thankful for the gift of discernment and learning to wait...even when your plans sound good.
So instead of looking ahead and getting overwhelmed, I'm just going to look back. Not even to the beginning of my walk with Jesus, but back to the beginning when he was walking with me and I didn't even know it yet. He's guided me well this far, bringing meaning to my life even when I have wandered off, and he is guiding me now. When he hasn't been my priority, I'm still his...and that's a game changer! Now I just gotta seek him for those overwhelming things, but more importantly just seek him for him and who he is because you can't talk about someone you don't know (well...you shouldn't...)
"Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead." - Ecclesiastes 5:7 (NLT)
Keep my peers and me in your prayers, because we're all trying to figure out who we are going to be in this world, and all of us could use some guidance from up above.
** Also praise God for the huge group of believers here who are seeking Him and living for him daily! **
In a freshman seminar every first year student has to take, I was asked what I want to get out of life. My first instinct wasn't to know Jesus more... and man was I convicted. I first thought travel...but then what's the point of seeing the world, and not praising the one who made it? and eventually, I would run out of places to go...so upfront I know that isn't fulfilling...its a good distraction, looking like it has intent when it really is focusing on the things of this world rather than things above. (Not that traveling is bad!!) I was more impacted by my classmates responses. The majority of them said that out of life they want to get "success" and "happiness." I was really sad for them. Not that those aren't great things, but that's what they want to look back and say they obtained. Happiness, Success. As I was reading their answers and my own on the board in front of me, I just kept thinking Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There's a great chapter in Ecclesiastes about how everything in this world is meaningless, and in that moment that rang truer than ever before. I just realized then that all these pursuits for happiness, for success, for adventure, for a college degree, and anything else is all so meaningless when there is no God involved.
That is why I am reminded constantly I want people to know Jesus. It's like being able to have a thanksgiving feast every day with him, and choosing to dig for scraps of success and half-eaten happiness out of the dumpster you travel to. In this eagerness I have to tell people about Jesus, I hear him telling me to yield to him. I'm like what? Dude I've been waiting to get out there and talk about him. But after attending a church on Sunday and an awesome college ministry called overflow on Tuesday, I got the pretty clear message my heart isn't ready. I am not seeking him in my own life, who am I to tell others to? I'm all about walking the talk... Not that I have to pray every day and read my bible to have Jesus, but if those aren't a priority in my life, I have to be real and say that he hasn't been either. I am not spending time at his feet, and after a few years of this I've realized that even talking about him can come from a selfish ambition. Talking about him for my own fulfillment rather than his glory, is meaningless too. This is kinda where I am thankful for the gift of discernment and learning to wait...even when your plans sound good.
So instead of looking ahead and getting overwhelmed, I'm just going to look back. Not even to the beginning of my walk with Jesus, but back to the beginning when he was walking with me and I didn't even know it yet. He's guided me well this far, bringing meaning to my life even when I have wandered off, and he is guiding me now. When he hasn't been my priority, I'm still his...and that's a game changer! Now I just gotta seek him for those overwhelming things, but more importantly just seek him for him and who he is because you can't talk about someone you don't know (well...you shouldn't...)
"Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead." - Ecclesiastes 5:7 (NLT)
Keep my peers and me in your prayers, because we're all trying to figure out who we are going to be in this world, and all of us could use some guidance from up above.
** Also praise God for the huge group of believers here who are seeking Him and living for him daily! **
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Expectations
My expectations will be the death of me I'm pretty sure. In the midst of trying to enjoy my last week I'm caught up in the expectations of ending this week perfect, of being perfect, and going home better than when I left. But Shannon, I have to remind myself, you're not perfect and no one expects you to be (which was a lesson I learned at the beginning of this experience).
I'm in an exciting time in my life, lots of good changes and experiences and opportunities are at my feet and I'm so incredibly thankful. And I try to be happy all of the time, but the reality is change is scary...it's hard. It is all really great things but it's a lot of transition for anyone to go through...living in Arizona, going home to family and friends I haven't seen in 4 months, and starting college in North Carolina just three weeks later...it's a lot. And I'm nervous. As I should be. But God is good and gives me so much peace. As scary as my next steps look, I haven't really experienced God's peace and faithfulness as much as I have in this time. I get to relax, and watch this life I so don't deserve just unfold before me, and I get to be apart of it. I get to be scared, knowing who my Comforter is. I get to have nerves, knowing His peace transcends all understanding. I get to feel a million ambivalent feelings and not be shaken because I have a Rock stronger and more secure than my feelings.
What I can expect, is to walk through this transition period with Jesus by my side, and letting me know it is ok and He is guiding me. I can expect to feel overwhelmed with my feelings and then with His unending love. I can expect to change as a person, and grow as a follower of Christ in a time that takes a lot of faith. And I can expect his promises to be true when I don't feel like they are.
So if I could ask for prayer in this transition time, I am need of keeping my eyes on Jesus when there are a lot of distractions surrounding me, to renew my mind in His truth instead of setting my own, and to choose joy and love instead of fear. Thanks!!
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