Let There Be Light(s)

God commanded in the beginning let there be light... And after Jesus died for us, and we could have Him in us, God allowed there to be light(s) in every one of us. So pretty much God's awesome and wants to use us, and I wanna be used by him, don't you? It's not just used for big mission trips and going to the ends of the earth...it's little acts of love that are light, and have a ripple effect beyond what we can see.

I so badly just want to be a light where it's never been brought before.... Thank you Amadeo for reminding me of what my purpose is. In all I do, whether it be making coffee for people I've never met and starting their day of with a conversation that will hopefully leave a positive impression on them. Or when I go to college and make friends who are coming from terrible situations and need a shoulder to cry on, I am fortunate to have two shoulders to offer! Or with my future career. That's why I want to go into social work. The places where people have turned a blind eye are the places where I want to highlight brokenness, because that's where we can find a hope that isn't from us. I want the forgotten to know they are not forsaken, I want the empty to know wholeness is possible. 

Shelly gave me wise advice to take every day like a new adventure, and I want to do just that. Whether my light is flickering or growing strong, it will be used each day to bring warmth where it is cold, bring a smile to tear stained faces, bring Good News that didn't make the newspaper but is changing the world every day. 

I don't know what each day holds, and I don't want to. What's the fun in that?? I just know that my light isn't meant to be hidden, and neither is yours. You can have a candle and matches, but someone's gotta light the flame and use it. All I know from my long 18 years of life is that not using your light is never a fulfilling life. In Philemon we're told to "be active in sharing your faith so that you know every good thing you have in Jesus Christ." I'm pretty sure I only know the surface of all the good things I have in being a child of God, and I wanna know more of his power in me...don't you? Like that's the coolest opportunity we could be given. 

And I don't know about you, but when I see someone else's light, it's pretty obvious. I see people at Amadeo being a light all the time...I want to point out Doni Nickerson in particular. I've had the pleasure of working with her at restore every Tuesday and those are my long days. I come to the food pantry tired and worn...and then Doni comes in and lights up the whole room with her warm smile and contagious laugh. She could be in terrible pain and still infecting us with her light in hugs and words of encouragement. That is light, and love. 

Make a conscious effort to be a light, because man that has the power to change not only your life but the people around you. 

Please comment with how you are using your light, I'd love to hear testimonies of how God is shining in and through you!

Revelation 21:23 And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.

"Good" Service

I've been thinking a lot about service and if motive in serving matters. I think many Christians, including myself, do good in the wrong way.

There are a lot of non profits who do a lot of good for people, but not in the name of Jesus.

There are people who know the gospel backwards and forwards, but don't know Jesus. 

There are theologians and skeptics who know the bible and hunger to read it more than many believers do, but aren't saved by grace.

So what makes people who claim to be in Jesus different from people who have the same knowledge and serve others? 

The heart.

It's that simple and that's why so many miss it. 

I know Christians like myself who pride themselves on how well they serve or how eloquently they can share the gospel, but scripture suggests a different approach to walking in the spirit.

Take David, for example. I had a hard time understanding why he was "a man after God's own heart" when he wasn't following the Law perfectly, he murdered people, had an affair...made all sorts of mistakes in action and thought. He wasn't doing good things. But he knew who had authority and although he was king, he understood who he reported to. He came to terms with his own weakness, his faults and poor judgments and was quick to confess them to the Lord. Even when he was in the depths of his sins, he knew God would hear his cry, and that God could love him. He didn't need to prove himself to God or others because he understood who God was, and is. He was after God's heart with his own. Not seeking God's approval, but his mercy and grace.

Paul says in the New Testament,

"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." -1 Corinthians 2:1-5

Like David, Paul understood his weakness and his need, as well as others need for God's power. Knowing Jesus is never fulfilling on wisdom alone. It's through love; understanding God's absolute, unshakeable love for you, and choosing to love him from the heart. Serving people in the name of Jesus, as churches do, should come after vulnerability before God and coming to terms with your weakness, and God's love and grace in that. Too often service and reading the bible and all the things we're supposed to do come before the heart, or dare I say in place of the heart, and we miss the fullness of a relationship with Jesus. 

Some of the most faithful followers of Jesus I know don't have the ability to serve God with their hands, or read his word through blind eyes... So does God not love them? No! I believe Jesus would say they are more blessed than the fully able, and greater in the kingdom. 

So are you serving with your hands or your heart? Are you learning with your mind or your heart? 

Thank you Lord for showing me the difference and I pray for grace and mercy as I, along with other believers, learn to serve you from understanding your abilities instead of proving our own.

Leaving

The bible says to be in debt in love...I have a huge debt I can never pay off to Amadeo.

I still can't wrap my mind around how I got the privilege of taking off a semester of school to bombard the Amadeo community and live in the love that they never run out of. My prayer for all churches is to grasp this kind of Kingdom love in their own communities. I'll never forget experiencing it the way I have. 

I'm in debt to so many but here are a few

Katelyn, for always driving and giving up her Monday to spend time with me. Your friendship made  my time here so rich.

Cheryl and Gary, my wonderful host parents who also drove me whenever needed, cooked delicious meals, taught me how to cook, prayed for me and helped me understand the reality and depth of an intimate relationship with God

Ben and Mandy, who were constant encouragements, reminding me my labor was not in vain, listening and guiding me toward right choices... For seeing through my "I'm good!" Facade and letting me be real and break down

Shelly who drove me every day to the coffee shop, knew how to make me cry (in a good way) in a second, who laughed with me, became one of my greatest role models, friend, and support. 

Geneva and Louise, with a laugh so contagious it was hard to frown around them

Lindsey and Lesilee Ozmon for being the best older sisters and letting me invade their home. I learned so much from these girls and am forever grateful for their patience when I came home tired and they listened to me think aloud and tell stupid stories and eat their food...

Sherri, for also giving me rides and being such a great example of a godly woman who discerns truth, constantly finds ways to love those who need it most, and is so present in every conversation although we all know she holds a lot on her plate...

Doni, Debby, and Michael who always encouraged me and believed in me. Seeing their love for Jesus in all circumstances left me in tears

The prayer warriors who spent hours praying over me, helped me find healing I didn't know was possible, and showed me a new way to seek God

This is just to name a few. You all touched me in special ways that I'll never forget. Thank you for hosting me, letting me rediscover who I am in Christ and refresh my broken spirit. I'm sure I'll find a way back to you guys somehow, but until then know I am incredible grateful for the love you have for each other, which is a true testimony of God's love. Thank you Amadeo, for fighting the good fight and changing people's lives by showing them Jesus in all you do.

Be Thankful Always!

This week (and every week) I have so much to be thankful for. This week, being thanksgiving and all, sticks out to me in particular. I'll start from the beginning.

Last Monday I had the privilege of going 4-wheeling in the desert with Katelyn and Eddie. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time. Being the young and reckless teenager I am, I got a little carried away and was going too fast on an unfamiliar road. I ended up approaching a rocky path that intimidated me. I pulled the breaks and I went flying! But there were so many miracles in that experience. For one, the 4 wheeler I was driving had ropes and a box cutter and heavy things in the front of it that kept falling out earlier in my ride. So prior to the fall i took all of those out, which would have fallen on me. I also only hit my ankle on a rock rather than my head or any other place that would have been a major injury. Yet another blessing was having 3 people and 2 4 wheelers so I was able to ride on the back and we didn't have to abandon an ATV. Not only that, but Katelyn and Eddie took such good care of me...thankful for these friends!! The timing also couldn't have been better, because I didn't have to work at the coffee shop and I was going to see my dad who could help me take care of it. I'm still a little sore, but I'm walking great and still look back on that day as one of my favorites from my time in Arizona. 

Tuesday for reasons I cannot explain, I rode a public bus from Phoenix to LA, a 7 hour bus ride that probably wasn't the safest option. Nevertheless it was a great ride and I met the sweetest lady. We talked most of the way. God definitely had his hand in that because both of us were nervous and prayed for good company. I arrived in Long Beach Tuesday night to be greeted by my dad I miss dearly and haven't seen since August. That alone was a blessing, but his hug was followed by embraces from my grandparents who are in their early 90s, and my uncle. I had a great thanksgiving with them and ate way more than necessary! I woke up to a beautiful sunrise every day on my trip, which I praise God for making. 

My favorite part of my visit was being able to record my grandparents life story, including a 70 year marriage, to save forever in an archive through StoryCorps. Hearing their accomplishments, their undying love, and their incredible strength brought me to tears. I've never felt so proud of where I've come from. It was such a privilege to be the one to record their legacy. I cannot wait for the future generations to hear their story.

I also stayed at my aunts house Saturday and she willingly drove me to the bus stop this morning. I'm so thankful for family, that even when the visits are short and infrequent, they are still filled with so much love and good times. 

Now I'm heading back to Arizona, where I've been referring to as home, for the final two weeks of these incredibly short 4 months. Posts to come on my thankfulness for Arizona and my new found family there!

God gives everyone things to be thankful for. Do you acknowledge them? He's put on my heart to see Him in even the littlest of circumstances. His blessings are always awesome, but for some reason they feel better and mean more when you acknowledge him for it. Thank Him.

"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!" - Psalm 95:2

Love is in the air!

I don't want this post to be boastful or conceited or anything, but recently I really came to terms with the fact I love myself!

In fact, we (I) shouldn't be scared to claim that we love ourselves, because that's really what God intended. 

The fruit of loving oneself is a healthier lifestyle, understanding you are loved by God, being able to love your neighbor (as yourself). I don't really think you can learn to love another human being if you don't in fact love yourself. And I've known for a while God loves me, people care about me, and that I matter. But to truly love yourself you allow yourself to experience grace, to encourage yourself toward growth, and if you are caring for yourself you can care for others. A sick soul cannot make another well. The remedy for sickness is love! I love in the psalms when David is like "why are you downcast, o my soul?" He's encouraging himself! 

I've noticed loving myself lets me live in the moment, and I don't really think you can experience His presence except in the present. Because we aren't to worry about tomorrow, and he's freed us from past shame so focus on him is in the moment, because he gives you just the right amount of grace for each moment, you don't get tomorrow's grace until tomorrow. When you are secure in yourself, you are then comfortable to exist in the moment.

Tell yourself you love yourself! Care for yourself, it is not selfish, it is essential to do the work God has placed before you. If we want to be on the same team as God (thank you Lord for making that possible) you have to come into agreement with him on who you are in him. I think saying "I love myself" is telling God I accept how you've made me and protects you from the enemy trying to beat you down. 

So pray that: people love themselves, and make time to refresh their own souls. Encourage each other toward love for others but within as well. Let's scream "I love myself!" Because any thoughts that oppose that are not what God intended. Healthy people see their worth and don't seek it in anyone else. Healthy people who know their worth let others know of their worth too. We should know that God works in and then out. He works within the church and they (hopefully) outpour into their city. God works in you and you can outpour into others.

"Whoever has sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good." - Proverbs 19:8

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body." - Ephesians 5:29-30

Seeing Jesus

Since I've become a believer, I've had some serious times of doubt in my faith.. But it caught me off guard that I have recently while being in Arizona. In my mind I thought, "if I'm surrounded by a church and godly influences all the time, I shouldn't doubt." But then I remember that my relationship with Jesus is about me and Him, not the church. It's personal, and is based on my experiences not just what the church teaches. 

My doubts have all come back to is it worth it to wait for who knows how long to maybe see Jesus, if he'll even be there? 

But then, by the grace of God, it dawned on me, I don't have to wait until I die to see Jesus...I see him every day. Before some of you jump to say I'm hallucinating or seeing things to fit my beliefs rather than reality, let me explain. I see him in more that the breathtaking colors of the sunrise or the laughter and innocence of kids, although he is there, he's in even more beautiful things.

Recently I was in a women's bible study, with ladies ages 15 to 97... In the group a blind lady holding a Braille Bible, with more faith and love than anyone I've met, a 97 year old with a nerve condition, a new mother, a shy girl who didn't pray out loud, and a woman coming in from work still in her scrubs...that is where I see God. Women who have millions of excuses as why God isn't worth it, why following him isn't convenient, and they're sitting together in the room full of thankfulness and eagerness to praise Jesus and learn to be like him. 

It's worth the struggles that he promises, the days of doubt, the vulnerability and the awkwardness of feeling unable to contribute in worldly settings because to see God move so powerfully in even one person, beyond explanation or reason or logic, is chilling. 

Seeing prayers get answered, people healed, homes sold, overcoming addictions, marriages restored... The list goes on of the work of his hand. I'm stunned every day that the God I believe in is actually doing what I say to believe he can do! 

Amadeo exhibits such faith...and sometimes watching the church's faith restores my own. They are expanding into a new building pretty soon, and the financial means to make this happen are lacking...by thousands. But one month they are 6,000 behind the necessary costs, and the next month they make that plus the amount needed for that month. Through it all they knew God would provide somehow and he did. Not just financially but also relationally there has been some hurt with people wanting to leave the church, but there is faith new people will come alongside Amadeo. In one week a couple left the church and a new family arrived and are so excited to be apart of the Amadeo family. 

Not to mention all the areas I'm serving..like in the food pantry this past week we only had 30 boxes to give to the homeless instead of the usual 100. I saw Jesus in my fellow servers who cried and had broken hearts that they couldn't serve the best quality to their community, instead of being happy with less work. They are more than elated to go the extra mile if it means more mouths are fed and more people to show Jesus to.

So will I doubt again? Absolutely. And instead of condemning myself or feeling that doubt isn't acceptable, I'll acknowledge it, but that won't be the end of it. What I know now is I just have to look around me and be proven wrong. Not just in the church, but having the privilege to watch God love people who don't love him back, to see his work in my life through my testimony, and to time and time again see him follow through on the promises of the bible. 

So prayer requests: 

For anyone who is doubting- let them turn to God instead of away from him. There is no shame in doubting, he still wants a relationship with you. 

For Amadeo- meet their financial needs, grow in love for each other, the community, and the other churches they unite with. 

For the food pantry- for the workers to blessed like they bless others, and for more food to come in so we can better meet the needs of the poor we so desperately want to love. 

"And he said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself." - Luke 24:38-39

18 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" - Isaiah 30:18

Behind the Scenes

This past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching here at Amadeo! I've been asked a few times since what was the process behind the sermon so I decided to share it here!

I was hoping I would get the chance to speak but was too scared to ask, so when Pastor Ben asked me to I jumped on the opportunity! I have a few blog posts I haven't shared publicly with ideas God has been stirring in my heart, so I decided I would look for a topic there. The first idea that came to mind was the importance of rest. I see so many here at the church working hard to keep ministries running, but in the process they are forgetting to care for themselves. I've caught myself doing that and even thinking of rest as "laziness." When God definitely intended for us to rest. So I started preparing that sermon and about half way through, I believe God told me to write on discipline. And to be honest, I really didn't want to. I've only been apart of this church for two months and as an 18 year old outsider, who am I to tell this congregation (the majority of which are older than me) that they need discipline? But in a way agreeing to speak on this topic was a way, I got to "lay my life down" because it wasn't what I wanted, but I trusted there was a reason God wanted me to deliver that message. 

I wish I could say discipline was something I had mastered before I spoke...but that isn't the case. Nowhere near perfect in this area. I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite, writing about  accepting the Lord disciplines when I knew in my own life I was struggling with that. But Shelly, who has been my go to for practically everything, gave me really great advice. She said if the sermon changed even one persons heart, even if it was my own, then it was worth it. So from the perspective, the sermon was a success. While writing my notes, it turned into me writing the message I needed. I saw my weaknesses more than ever in this time, but also the reality God's strength in those moments. 

I told someone I was sharing on discipline and their response was, "well what about new believers? Won't that scare them away?" And at first I agreed, but after some thought and prayer I realized if anything we should be learning from new believers because they understand their need for Jesus to be head of their life and lead their paths, which is a truth we often forget with time. Also, the bible tells us God disciplines everyone he calls his child, so I believe it applies to all. This realization also gave me confidence that even in my position, I had authority to teach on this because 1) I am receiving the same discipline others are and 2) we are all under the guidance of one spirit, the Holy Spirit, and so I can teach even people who are older than me because it's not me, it's him and his word, I'm just delivering it.

I wrote my first draft and sent it to Ben. This was the scariest part for me because he's been doing this a long time and all I could think was that he would look at it and be like "what is this nonsense?! No way she's speaking!" But he was so gracious. He corrected my mistakes and helped me refocus because as you can tell from my blog posts or any conversation with me, I jump all over the place! I don't take lightly the honor it is to have a pastor I admire so much take the time to steer me the right way and invest in me. It's a big deal for him to let a little girl like me teach the people he spends his life pouring into. He had faith in me. He even left during the second service and I have to admit I panicked a little knowing he wasn't in the building, but again it gave me confidence to know he believed in me. 

My worst fear was that someone would be upset that I was speaking because it wasn't my place, I didn't earn the chance to speak, I hadn't done my time or proven anything in the time I've been here. That fear unfortunately came true when I heard someone say they were angry i would take the stage when they haven't been allowed to. This shook my confidence a bit, and happened Saturday. Needless to say that night I didn't get much sleep. I woke up Sunday morning totally spent and all I could manage to say as I got out of bed was "Lord, I got nothing. I don't feel prepared, I don't know what I'm doing but I am going to show up and I'll trust you will do the same." And he did. I taught in 3 different services and in every single one something different came out of my mouth that was not on my script, and sounded way better than me. I trust that through my shaky words, short breaths, and "ums" God delivered something. 

Between each service I was overwhelmed with so much encouragement and helpful tips that really kept me going. Shelly even made special arrangements so she would be able to come to the first service so I could look at a familiar face for comfort. Am I surrounded by the best people or what? I had people asking for my notes and my PowerPoint (probably because I talked too fast to get what I was saying haha) but nonetheless I was flattered. I can see where a pastor could lose God in this process though. There's a lot of worries about sounding good, looking good, and pleasing people instead of delivering the message from God.

The next day I got a message from someone on Facebook seeming concerned that I was allowed to teach, given that I am a female in the church. I hadn't really made my mind up on how o feel about women teaching until he confronted me with this concern. Let me preface this with the fact that your opinion on this is not a matter of salvation: how you feel about this doesn't determine if you are in Christ or not, so it shouldn't be dividing us as believers. You read verses like 1 Timothy 2:12 which says "I do not permit women to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet." I want to face this argument and not run from it. These are my thoughts, not from God but where I stand on it. There are arguments that there aren't that many verses about it so it's not a big deal. Well, every verse matters. We can't pick and choose what we like. If we believe the bible transcends time, then the argument that the fact women were even allowed to learn with men was huge for that time period also falls on its face. So, what is it? Well all I can speak from is my experience. As head pastor, Ben has authority over all the other speakers. He asked me to speak and because of that I don't see anything wrong with it. If you disagree that is ok. Below I will post the video of my sermon for anyone interested in watching it, and my prayer is that the truth would be heard no matter who is giving the message. 

Anyways, this was such a wonderful learning experience! God did a big work in my heart through this, and I'm so thankful for how it's forming me. I'm trying to see where my gifts are and it's exciting I had the chance to try out teaching! With some public speaking training and a chill pill, I could get really good at this! Amadeo has encouraged me to be the best me God created. And they do the same for all of their members. I saw how ministry is tough, the joy in it, and the necessity of the Holy Spirit in it all. 

I like to end these posts with a verse and the best one I could find to capture all that I experienced I s 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."

Video of Sermon:

https://www.boxcast.com/show/#/oct-11th-service-10am-2

I don't know how to put up my PowerPoint or notes but I will post them somewhere!