Leaving

The bible says to be in debt in love...I have a huge debt I can never pay off to Amadeo.

I still can't wrap my mind around how I got the privilege of taking off a semester of school to bombard the Amadeo community and live in the love that they never run out of. My prayer for all churches is to grasp this kind of Kingdom love in their own communities. I'll never forget experiencing it the way I have. 

I'm in debt to so many but here are a few

Katelyn, for always driving and giving up her Monday to spend time with me. Your friendship made  my time here so rich.

Cheryl and Gary, my wonderful host parents who also drove me whenever needed, cooked delicious meals, taught me how to cook, prayed for me and helped me understand the reality and depth of an intimate relationship with God

Ben and Mandy, who were constant encouragements, reminding me my labor was not in vain, listening and guiding me toward right choices... For seeing through my "I'm good!" Facade and letting me be real and break down

Shelly who drove me every day to the coffee shop, knew how to make me cry (in a good way) in a second, who laughed with me, became one of my greatest role models, friend, and support. 

Geneva and Louise, with a laugh so contagious it was hard to frown around them

Lindsey and Lesilee Ozmon for being the best older sisters and letting me invade their home. I learned so much from these girls and am forever grateful for their patience when I came home tired and they listened to me think aloud and tell stupid stories and eat their food...

Sherri, for also giving me rides and being such a great example of a godly woman who discerns truth, constantly finds ways to love those who need it most, and is so present in every conversation although we all know she holds a lot on her plate...

Doni, Debby, and Michael who always encouraged me and believed in me. Seeing their love for Jesus in all circumstances left me in tears

The prayer warriors who spent hours praying over me, helped me find healing I didn't know was possible, and showed me a new way to seek God

This is just to name a few. You all touched me in special ways that I'll never forget. Thank you for hosting me, letting me rediscover who I am in Christ and refresh my broken spirit. I'm sure I'll find a way back to you guys somehow, but until then know I am incredible grateful for the love you have for each other, which is a true testimony of God's love. Thank you Amadeo, for fighting the good fight and changing people's lives by showing them Jesus in all you do.

Be Thankful Always!

This week (and every week) I have so much to be thankful for. This week, being thanksgiving and all, sticks out to me in particular. I'll start from the beginning.

Last Monday I had the privilege of going 4-wheeling in the desert with Katelyn and Eddie. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time. Being the young and reckless teenager I am, I got a little carried away and was going too fast on an unfamiliar road. I ended up approaching a rocky path that intimidated me. I pulled the breaks and I went flying! But there were so many miracles in that experience. For one, the 4 wheeler I was driving had ropes and a box cutter and heavy things in the front of it that kept falling out earlier in my ride. So prior to the fall i took all of those out, which would have fallen on me. I also only hit my ankle on a rock rather than my head or any other place that would have been a major injury. Yet another blessing was having 3 people and 2 4 wheelers so I was able to ride on the back and we didn't have to abandon an ATV. Not only that, but Katelyn and Eddie took such good care of me...thankful for these friends!! The timing also couldn't have been better, because I didn't have to work at the coffee shop and I was going to see my dad who could help me take care of it. I'm still a little sore, but I'm walking great and still look back on that day as one of my favorites from my time in Arizona. 

Tuesday for reasons I cannot explain, I rode a public bus from Phoenix to LA, a 7 hour bus ride that probably wasn't the safest option. Nevertheless it was a great ride and I met the sweetest lady. We talked most of the way. God definitely had his hand in that because both of us were nervous and prayed for good company. I arrived in Long Beach Tuesday night to be greeted by my dad I miss dearly and haven't seen since August. That alone was a blessing, but his hug was followed by embraces from my grandparents who are in their early 90s, and my uncle. I had a great thanksgiving with them and ate way more than necessary! I woke up to a beautiful sunrise every day on my trip, which I praise God for making. 

My favorite part of my visit was being able to record my grandparents life story, including a 70 year marriage, to save forever in an archive through StoryCorps. Hearing their accomplishments, their undying love, and their incredible strength brought me to tears. I've never felt so proud of where I've come from. It was such a privilege to be the one to record their legacy. I cannot wait for the future generations to hear their story.

I also stayed at my aunts house Saturday and she willingly drove me to the bus stop this morning. I'm so thankful for family, that even when the visits are short and infrequent, they are still filled with so much love and good times. 

Now I'm heading back to Arizona, where I've been referring to as home, for the final two weeks of these incredibly short 4 months. Posts to come on my thankfulness for Arizona and my new found family there!

God gives everyone things to be thankful for. Do you acknowledge them? He's put on my heart to see Him in even the littlest of circumstances. His blessings are always awesome, but for some reason they feel better and mean more when you acknowledge him for it. Thank Him.

"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!" - Psalm 95:2

Love is in the air!

I don't want this post to be boastful or conceited or anything, but recently I really came to terms with the fact I love myself!

In fact, we (I) shouldn't be scared to claim that we love ourselves, because that's really what God intended. 

The fruit of loving oneself is a healthier lifestyle, understanding you are loved by God, being able to love your neighbor (as yourself). I don't really think you can learn to love another human being if you don't in fact love yourself. And I've known for a while God loves me, people care about me, and that I matter. But to truly love yourself you allow yourself to experience grace, to encourage yourself toward growth, and if you are caring for yourself you can care for others. A sick soul cannot make another well. The remedy for sickness is love! I love in the psalms when David is like "why are you downcast, o my soul?" He's encouraging himself! 

I've noticed loving myself lets me live in the moment, and I don't really think you can experience His presence except in the present. Because we aren't to worry about tomorrow, and he's freed us from past shame so focus on him is in the moment, because he gives you just the right amount of grace for each moment, you don't get tomorrow's grace until tomorrow. When you are secure in yourself, you are then comfortable to exist in the moment.

Tell yourself you love yourself! Care for yourself, it is not selfish, it is essential to do the work God has placed before you. If we want to be on the same team as God (thank you Lord for making that possible) you have to come into agreement with him on who you are in him. I think saying "I love myself" is telling God I accept how you've made me and protects you from the enemy trying to beat you down. 

So pray that: people love themselves, and make time to refresh their own souls. Encourage each other toward love for others but within as well. Let's scream "I love myself!" Because any thoughts that oppose that are not what God intended. Healthy people see their worth and don't seek it in anyone else. Healthy people who know their worth let others know of their worth too. We should know that God works in and then out. He works within the church and they (hopefully) outpour into their city. God works in you and you can outpour into others.

"Whoever has sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good." - Proverbs 19:8

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body." - Ephesians 5:29-30

Seeing Jesus

Since I've become a believer, I've had some serious times of doubt in my faith.. But it caught me off guard that I have recently while being in Arizona. In my mind I thought, "if I'm surrounded by a church and godly influences all the time, I shouldn't doubt." But then I remember that my relationship with Jesus is about me and Him, not the church. It's personal, and is based on my experiences not just what the church teaches. 

My doubts have all come back to is it worth it to wait for who knows how long to maybe see Jesus, if he'll even be there? 

But then, by the grace of God, it dawned on me, I don't have to wait until I die to see Jesus...I see him every day. Before some of you jump to say I'm hallucinating or seeing things to fit my beliefs rather than reality, let me explain. I see him in more that the breathtaking colors of the sunrise or the laughter and innocence of kids, although he is there, he's in even more beautiful things.

Recently I was in a women's bible study, with ladies ages 15 to 97... In the group a blind lady holding a Braille Bible, with more faith and love than anyone I've met, a 97 year old with a nerve condition, a new mother, a shy girl who didn't pray out loud, and a woman coming in from work still in her scrubs...that is where I see God. Women who have millions of excuses as why God isn't worth it, why following him isn't convenient, and they're sitting together in the room full of thankfulness and eagerness to praise Jesus and learn to be like him. 

It's worth the struggles that he promises, the days of doubt, the vulnerability and the awkwardness of feeling unable to contribute in worldly settings because to see God move so powerfully in even one person, beyond explanation or reason or logic, is chilling. 

Seeing prayers get answered, people healed, homes sold, overcoming addictions, marriages restored... The list goes on of the work of his hand. I'm stunned every day that the God I believe in is actually doing what I say to believe he can do! 

Amadeo exhibits such faith...and sometimes watching the church's faith restores my own. They are expanding into a new building pretty soon, and the financial means to make this happen are lacking...by thousands. But one month they are 6,000 behind the necessary costs, and the next month they make that plus the amount needed for that month. Through it all they knew God would provide somehow and he did. Not just financially but also relationally there has been some hurt with people wanting to leave the church, but there is faith new people will come alongside Amadeo. In one week a couple left the church and a new family arrived and are so excited to be apart of the Amadeo family. 

Not to mention all the areas I'm serving..like in the food pantry this past week we only had 30 boxes to give to the homeless instead of the usual 100. I saw Jesus in my fellow servers who cried and had broken hearts that they couldn't serve the best quality to their community, instead of being happy with less work. They are more than elated to go the extra mile if it means more mouths are fed and more people to show Jesus to.

So will I doubt again? Absolutely. And instead of condemning myself or feeling that doubt isn't acceptable, I'll acknowledge it, but that won't be the end of it. What I know now is I just have to look around me and be proven wrong. Not just in the church, but having the privilege to watch God love people who don't love him back, to see his work in my life through my testimony, and to time and time again see him follow through on the promises of the bible. 

So prayer requests: 

For anyone who is doubting- let them turn to God instead of away from him. There is no shame in doubting, he still wants a relationship with you. 

For Amadeo- meet their financial needs, grow in love for each other, the community, and the other churches they unite with. 

For the food pantry- for the workers to blessed like they bless others, and for more food to come in so we can better meet the needs of the poor we so desperately want to love. 

"And he said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself." - Luke 24:38-39

18 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" - Isaiah 30:18

Behind the Scenes

This past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching here at Amadeo! I've been asked a few times since what was the process behind the sermon so I decided to share it here!

I was hoping I would get the chance to speak but was too scared to ask, so when Pastor Ben asked me to I jumped on the opportunity! I have a few blog posts I haven't shared publicly with ideas God has been stirring in my heart, so I decided I would look for a topic there. The first idea that came to mind was the importance of rest. I see so many here at the church working hard to keep ministries running, but in the process they are forgetting to care for themselves. I've caught myself doing that and even thinking of rest as "laziness." When God definitely intended for us to rest. So I started preparing that sermon and about half way through, I believe God told me to write on discipline. And to be honest, I really didn't want to. I've only been apart of this church for two months and as an 18 year old outsider, who am I to tell this congregation (the majority of which are older than me) that they need discipline? But in a way agreeing to speak on this topic was a way, I got to "lay my life down" because it wasn't what I wanted, but I trusted there was a reason God wanted me to deliver that message. 

I wish I could say discipline was something I had mastered before I spoke...but that isn't the case. Nowhere near perfect in this area. I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite, writing about  accepting the Lord disciplines when I knew in my own life I was struggling with that. But Shelly, who has been my go to for practically everything, gave me really great advice. She said if the sermon changed even one persons heart, even if it was my own, then it was worth it. So from the perspective, the sermon was a success. While writing my notes, it turned into me writing the message I needed. I saw my weaknesses more than ever in this time, but also the reality God's strength in those moments. 

I told someone I was sharing on discipline and their response was, "well what about new believers? Won't that scare them away?" And at first I agreed, but after some thought and prayer I realized if anything we should be learning from new believers because they understand their need for Jesus to be head of their life and lead their paths, which is a truth we often forget with time. Also, the bible tells us God disciplines everyone he calls his child, so I believe it applies to all. This realization also gave me confidence that even in my position, I had authority to teach on this because 1) I am receiving the same discipline others are and 2) we are all under the guidance of one spirit, the Holy Spirit, and so I can teach even people who are older than me because it's not me, it's him and his word, I'm just delivering it.

I wrote my first draft and sent it to Ben. This was the scariest part for me because he's been doing this a long time and all I could think was that he would look at it and be like "what is this nonsense?! No way she's speaking!" But he was so gracious. He corrected my mistakes and helped me refocus because as you can tell from my blog posts or any conversation with me, I jump all over the place! I don't take lightly the honor it is to have a pastor I admire so much take the time to steer me the right way and invest in me. It's a big deal for him to let a little girl like me teach the people he spends his life pouring into. He had faith in me. He even left during the second service and I have to admit I panicked a little knowing he wasn't in the building, but again it gave me confidence to know he believed in me. 

My worst fear was that someone would be upset that I was speaking because it wasn't my place, I didn't earn the chance to speak, I hadn't done my time or proven anything in the time I've been here. That fear unfortunately came true when I heard someone say they were angry i would take the stage when they haven't been allowed to. This shook my confidence a bit, and happened Saturday. Needless to say that night I didn't get much sleep. I woke up Sunday morning totally spent and all I could manage to say as I got out of bed was "Lord, I got nothing. I don't feel prepared, I don't know what I'm doing but I am going to show up and I'll trust you will do the same." And he did. I taught in 3 different services and in every single one something different came out of my mouth that was not on my script, and sounded way better than me. I trust that through my shaky words, short breaths, and "ums" God delivered something. 

Between each service I was overwhelmed with so much encouragement and helpful tips that really kept me going. Shelly even made special arrangements so she would be able to come to the first service so I could look at a familiar face for comfort. Am I surrounded by the best people or what? I had people asking for my notes and my PowerPoint (probably because I talked too fast to get what I was saying haha) but nonetheless I was flattered. I can see where a pastor could lose God in this process though. There's a lot of worries about sounding good, looking good, and pleasing people instead of delivering the message from God.

The next day I got a message from someone on Facebook seeming concerned that I was allowed to teach, given that I am a female in the church. I hadn't really made my mind up on how o feel about women teaching until he confronted me with this concern. Let me preface this with the fact that your opinion on this is not a matter of salvation: how you feel about this doesn't determine if you are in Christ or not, so it shouldn't be dividing us as believers. You read verses like 1 Timothy 2:12 which says "I do not permit women to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet." I want to face this argument and not run from it. These are my thoughts, not from God but where I stand on it. There are arguments that there aren't that many verses about it so it's not a big deal. Well, every verse matters. We can't pick and choose what we like. If we believe the bible transcends time, then the argument that the fact women were even allowed to learn with men was huge for that time period also falls on its face. So, what is it? Well all I can speak from is my experience. As head pastor, Ben has authority over all the other speakers. He asked me to speak and because of that I don't see anything wrong with it. If you disagree that is ok. Below I will post the video of my sermon for anyone interested in watching it, and my prayer is that the truth would be heard no matter who is giving the message. 

Anyways, this was such a wonderful learning experience! God did a big work in my heart through this, and I'm so thankful for how it's forming me. I'm trying to see where my gifts are and it's exciting I had the chance to try out teaching! With some public speaking training and a chill pill, I could get really good at this! Amadeo has encouraged me to be the best me God created. And they do the same for all of their members. I saw how ministry is tough, the joy in it, and the necessity of the Holy Spirit in it all. 

I like to end these posts with a verse and the best one I could find to capture all that I experienced I s 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."

Video of Sermon:

https://www.boxcast.com/show/#/oct-11th-service-10am-2

I don't know how to put up my PowerPoint or notes but I will post them somewhere!

Quirkiness in Queen Creek

Being in Arizona really does feel like a whole new world even if it's on the same continent as my home. 

So here's some fun facts I've gathered about these crazy Arizonans..

1) even though it's 10000 degrees, almost everyone always wears jeans. Still haven't gotten to the bottom of this.

2) it is not illegal to text and drive, however there is a law that prohibits donkeys in your bath tub after 7pm.... It makes me wonder what ass was caught in the act!!

3) they say "the" in unnecessary places in their sentences. Example: we're gonna get on the 202 to Phoenix. Why?!?

4) they also don't say north or south when referring to high ways and everything is at an intersection apparently. "Oh yeah it's at power and ray" for about every shop you could need

5) clouds are the most exciting thing here! Clouds = storm and although they know rain is coming...they even call it "monsoon season"...they haven't figured out a drainage system. More than an inch and it's possible you'll get off work. I saw on the news there was .8 of an inch and there was a unanimous "oh no!" 

(But I must say the heat lightning here is incredible)

6) they're a different breed out here, every personality is really distinct and everyone's super friendly, it must be the sunshine (or the joy of the Lord!)

7) lizards are as common as squirrels. I get that it's a desert and all but I really wasn't expecting that! 

Despite these differences I really am feeling at home here. I'm so glad I decided to spend my first semester doing something different with different people than I'm used to! It's been a blast, and I hope no one takes offense to any of that, just fun stuff I've noticed!! 

Ready, Set, Go!

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Jesus Christ for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10 

Since I've been in Arizona, I've done a bunch of new things I never thought I would. I'm running the coffee shop by myself on some days, I got my Zumba instructor license so I can teach Zumba classes, and much more. But those two things stick out in particular because they've taught me similar things.

I may not feel like I'm good enough to run the coffee shop or believe I'm good enough to lead a Zumba class, but who cares! It's whether or not I trust and believe that God has equipped me for every good work, like He's promised.

We're so funny in the fact one day we obey God and have a great outcome and the next day when faced with a decision to listen to Him or not, we are suddenly filled with all this fear and doubt and uncertainty of how it'll go, when yesterday and the day before and the years before have always proved to be good! I don't know about you, but I would hate to look back on my last day and regret all the times unbelief had stopped me from doing everything I wanted to accomplish.

Becoming an instructor is something I've been wanting to do, but the training taught me more than salsa and merengue, it showed me how to jump all in with no reserves.

However, preparation is important. What kind of Zumba instructor would I be if I go to teach my first class unprepared, never listened to the songs, never practiced steps beyond my first training...it wouldn't be pretty. Or if I worked at the coffee shop alone with no training or knowledge of what's on the menu. I think that's why set comes after ready.

We decide that whether we feel ready or not we are in fact ready, because God says so, and then we set ourselves up for success by planning ahead ("prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and AFTER that build your house" Proverbs 24:17). Plans aren't bad, and can be "spirit-led"

 

Setting up for success could look different depending on what the goal is. Sometimes it's getting rid of something we know isn't good in our lives we've been clinging on to. We aren't ready to let that go, but we know we need to. So, set yourself up, or guard yourself, so that you can eliminate it from your life. Regardless of the change, the prep should always include praying, knowing the Word and scriptures to get you through doubts and understanding what God's will is for His people, and educating yourself on what you are doing!

And what I've learned, no matter how much prep work I do, I won't feel completely ready, or set, but the next step is still coming and that's to go! Go in confidence of who God is, who he made you to be, and what you're capable of! As James 2:18 says, "...I will show you my faith BY works" so by doing things, stepping out in faith when you don't have it all figured out, you're setting yourself up to be blown away by God, and it's exciting. Whoever said living the Christian life is boring is doing it wrong. It always will appear to be risky stepping out in faith, but it is so safe and secure. That's the paradox of our God! 

Anything you do in His name and for Him won't go in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58). So our Go may not look like we planned it to, but does God's plans happen like we want them to? For me, usually not. They're better than I could dream of, but in the moment when my plan isn't working and God's doing something different, I panic and feel like all my prep went out the window!

I don't like saying this because I feel like it's cheesy, but "let go and let God" let the go-ing happen and God will move too! Although he can, God won't move a parked car. Rarely will he give a couch potato a CEO position dropped in his lap...NO! You are equipped with working  body parts, an incredible brain, and a heavenly army on your side. Use 'em! You think you're still not ready? Let Him prove you wrong. He proves my doubts and hesitations wrong on the daily, and I want the same for you!

"May he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen." - Hebrews 13:21